Monday, August 23, 2010

It's 2 AM and I'm All Messed Up

Sight misquote of a Brandi Carlile song, there.  ("These days we go to wast like wine/That's turned to turpentine/It's 6 AM and I'm all messed up." LOVE her!)
It's actually 2:30 AM, and I'm not all messed up, I'm just sad and worried.  Sad because my mom is leaving town today (she's been visiting for 2 weeks) and, as much as I'm looking forward to the kids going back to school, I'm going to miss spending the entire day with them.  In fact, since I'm now teaching 3 nights a week (and possibly one afternoon) and they're in school the full day, I'll be seeing A LOT less of them.  And that makes me VERY sad.
I'm worried because the next couple of years might be a bit rough.  Hubby is thinking of going to night school for his Masters, which would be GREAT.  I'm thinking of going for a psychology degree so that I can do drama therapy. Add that to work and family, and it means quite a bit of sacrifice for a while. Less time together, less sleep, more work.  And, yes, it scares me.
But it may also mean a better life, ultimately. Maybe working FEWER hours and spending MORE time together, eventually! Less worry about the bills and the mortgage.  Better sleep, lol!
Because I don't feel the need for the drama anymore.  I was reading a book today and one of the characters said he wanted "A quiet life, filled with love and family."  And that's what I want, too!  I don't need fame or intrigue or accolades. I USED to.  I loved the applause, the compliments, the great reviews (when they happened, which they didn't always, lol!), but I'm over it.
I want some peace and quiet, darn it!
And a good night's sleep!
So I'm gonna try and go salvage whatI can.


Charlotte said...

This post really made me smile:) First - I LOVE Brandi Carlisle!! Second - I love that you love your kids so much. And hey, I have a psych degree! Want to move to MN and we can go into business together? I have a feeling we'd have a blast:)

azusmom said...

Lol! I think we would! But I don't know if I could handle winters there, after 16 years in California!