Monday, January 27, 2014

I'm Geeky and I Know It

Sorry for the blog silence.  For the past week + I've been taking care of sick kids.  First LG, then WG.  I think WG should be ready to head back to school tomorrow.  I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but seeing your child lying in bed, listless, and eyes glassy with fever just sucks!
But then, coming downstairs and seeing them practically inside the 'fridge, 'cause their appetite is back and they want food NOW, is very reassuring!  :)

I spent some time yesterday with my friend, a fellow teacher/actor/parent of an autistic child.  It was such a relief to just talk to someone who gets it!  She was telling me about an audition she'd had recently, her first one in a long time, and how utterly different a world it is once you have kids.  (And how she wanted to kill a couple of the other actresses there, for complaining about the garbage truck waking them up at 6:30 AM.  "How am I supposed to audition when I had to wake up at 6:30?!?!?!?!"  Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!)

On Saturday, before WG got sick, we took the kids to a special event at the Children's Discovery Museum in San Jose.  3 times a year they and open the museum on Saturday night specifically for kids with special needs and their families.  The exhibits (some of them) are geared toward the population, the staff is trained, and there is even a band made up of other autistic kids!  Both of mine were dancing their little hearts out: It was AMAZING!  Hubby and I both got a bit weepy.  :)

I'm starting a new writing class next week.  And a friend suggested that, instead of always sitting down to write, I simply record my ideas while I'm up & around (pacing, riding the Spin bike, whatever).  I think it's a fantastic idea!  Because sometimes I'm just too scattered to sit & write & actually complete something, and I tend to think better on my feet.
So everyone will just have to get used to my talking to myself, lol!

Finally, if I may geek out a bit here, I've, of course, been watching "Sherlock" on PBS (after having seen it online).  I'm trying to find a link for "The Musketeers," currently airing in the UK (but not here until Spring).  Aaaaaaand, Peter Capaldi's Doctor costume has been revealed, and it is FANTASTIC, IMHO.  I'm crap at linking things, so if you're curious, just google it.  Or head over to tumblr, where there are about 4,000 photos of it.  I've said it before, I'll say it again: I've been watching the show since I was 12, and I have NEVER been this excited for a new Doctor!  I do feel 12 years old again.  :)
Without all the pre-adolescent angst, thankfully.

Alright.  Gotta go entertain WG.
Have a good one!

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Holy Cow!

Something pretty amazing happened yesterday.  Which I'll get to in a bit.
But first...
F-I-L is home from the hospital.  :)  He'd gone into renal failure last Thursday.  The doctors weren't sure why, at first.  Turns out it may have been they dye they'd injected into his veins to track his blood flow.  He's diabetic,  so sometimes his body will reject that sort of thing.  Luckily, by Friday he was better, and by Monday he was home.  Yesterday he even climbed the stairs to use his old computer.
Which is great, but I still think we should move that computer downstairs.   That's a lot of stairs.

I watched the third episode of "Sherlock" last night, and wow! It's great!  And the ending is FANTASTIC!  I was worried about some of the characters but, well, spoilers.

I also did another yoga workshop on Sunday.  It was core-based, but worked everything.  I felt terrific afterward, but I was exhausted all day Monday, lol!
AND, I'm signing up for another writing class.  It's taught by a woman who also used to be an actor, so she teaches from that perspective.
Which should be helpful.
I've made inquiries with an improv group in town, but haven't heard back from them yet.   Hopefully soon...

OK.  So, yesterday I was on my EFT conference call. I was feeling very pissy and PMS-y, and didn't want to do the tapping.  And then I started feeling bitter: Why have I been trying to FIX myself for 40 years?  I look around and I see, quite frankly, some of the meanest, nastiest, most ignorant people shooting their mouths off with (seemingly) no consequences whatsoever, going through life like they are the sh*t and the rest of us should just get out of their way. If people like THAT don't feel the need for self-help, why do I spend so much time "working on myself"?!?!?!?!
I'm not perfect. No one is. But I'm basically a good, decent human.  I don't go around hurling insults, or trolling people online.  If someone has an issue with me, well, at this point it's THEIR issue.  It's time for me to not only love myself, but to LIKE myself.  After all, I'm a pretty cool chick!  I think I'd want me for a friend.
So it finally clicked.  For real.  Not just the intellectual understanding, but the deep down, gut-level understanding.
There are times I will screw up. And that's being human.  I'll apologize, learn from it, and move on.  But I'm through berating myself.  I'm done regretting the past.  There's nothing there that can be changed, and it wasn't NEARLY as bad as I sometimes make it out to be!

I grew up believing that I was inherently BAD.  That I needed to be FIXED.  That there was something wrong with me, deep down inside.  And I think my dad believed that about himself, as well.  Who knows how far back it goes.  But, again, it ends with me.

One of the things I'm most proud of is that my kids are secure in the knowledge that they are loved.  Loved deeply and fully, and that nothing will ever change that. I didn't have that when I was growing up.  When you are a kid and you believe that love is conditional, well, it creates a lot of issues, lol! For me, I would have sworn that being loved depended on a laundry list of accomplishments: Being thin "enough," getting good grades, keeping my room clean, never making anyone angry,  being "good," etc. It was a long and fluid list, and I ALWAYS came up short.
Some people thought it was odd that I chose acting as my profession; after all, you're constantly criticized,  and often found lacking.  But, for me, it was familiar and comfortable territory.  It was all I knew.  And it wasn't until I was a young professional, having finally built up my confidence, that I realized it could be different. That it SHOULD be different.

And, at long last, I'm realizing that that holds true for ALL aspects of life.

So, here's to better days!  For all of us!

Thursday, January 9, 2014


F-I-L is MUCH better.  The chest pains were a minor heart attack, which is fairly common for folks who have the surgery he'd had on Monday after having had a bypass.  Still, heart attack...
But the first thing he asked about after surgery was whether he could watch the basketball game.  :)
He's doing well, so far.  He's eating, walking a bit, and is in good spirits. His vitals look good.  He's still in ICU, so they're keeping a close eye on him.

Today I'm taking some time alone.  Something I haven't had, what with winter break and all. :) Yesterday I met with a behavioral therapist for WG's potty training, but since then have been lying low.
She said to me that parents of kids with special needs are chosen, because not everyone could handle it.  I've heard it before, but I guess I needed to hear it again.  And I'm stickin' to it!

Since things have calmed down (a bit) since Tuesday, I went online and watched the first two episodes of the new season of "Sherlock."  I just couldn't wait, lol!  It took some hunting, but I was able to find links on Tumblr.  I won't go into detail, for those of you who haven't seen them yet, but, while they're a different tone than the first two seasons, I found them very entertaining and endearing.  But knowing Moffat and Gatiss, we're being set up for something BIG...

As for the "Doctor Who" Christmas special/regeneration: The removal of the bow tie broke my heart, but the actual regeneration made me VERY HAPPY!  Peter Capaldi is one of my favorite actors, he's been a fan of the show since he was a kid, and he's going to be brilliant!

OK.  Gotta get the kiddies off to school (hooray!) and then get me a nice, big cappuccino.  Then a train ride into the city.

Have a good one!

And, if you can, keep holding those good thoughts...


Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Not Again

My F-I-L is in the hospital today, undergoing an emergency angiogram.  Yesterday he had surgery to remove clots from his leg, but he's been having chest pain all day.  Needless to say, my M-I-L (who's at the hospital with him, along with S-I-L and Hubby) is a bit of a wreck.  She just turned 70 on Saturday, and my F-I-L is 72.  He had that quadruple bypass a couple years back, and he's been having pain lately, but not letting anyone know.

I'm at home with the kids.  Better all around, and there's no need to worry them too much at this point (to the point they would understand what's happening, at least).  But here's that fucking helpless feeling again. There's nothing I can do to make this better for them. Any of them.

I'm just hoping they find the issue and fix it.  He's due a few more good years on this planet, IMHO.

I WAS going to blog about all my fangirling over "Doctor Who" and "Sherlock," but that'll have to wait, if that's OK.  I kinda have to go be a grown-up for a while.

Happy New Year, Peace, and Blessings.