Thursday, August 29, 2013

Going Through to get Out

Not entirely sure what's going on in these brain of mine, but I recently signed up for a 10-day cleanse (gentle: With solid food and a decided lack of colonics), I'm in the midst of the Exhale Core Fusion 30-Day sculpt, and then I'm going to start Ultimate Yogi, which is 108 straight days of yoga.  Taking breaks as needed, of course.  Since the kids are (nearly) back in school, I'm sure the viruses will be rearing their ugly heads around here before too long, as school-age kids are basically petri dishes with limbs.
But we'll see how it goes.  I'm taking some time off after the kids are back in school.  Not actively looking for teaching gigs right away.  Partly because my in-laws are going to Hawaii for 2 moths and we won't have child care, but also because, well, I REALLY need to learn classroom management!  It's the one area I never really got much training in. Plus, I want to focus a bit on my own creative processes, which will make me a better teacher.
Add to that, there's just not a whole lot of opportunities right now, so even if I WERE looking to teach, well, I'd be out of luck.

Feeling INCREDIBLY anxious today.  Part of it is facing up to all the crap, taking initiative, speaking up, etc.  It scares the heck out of me, but I'm doing it.  I know it's going to change the dynamics of some relationships.  Hopefully for the better.  But, y'know, the only way out is through, and all that.
Yesterday I heard an interview with Dr. Mark Epstein, who is a Buddhist psychiatrist.  He has a new book out called "The Trauma of Everyday Life" in which he says that while everyone will experience major trauma at come point (the death of a loved one, for example), there are also smaller traumas, like loneliness and fear.  We don't think of these things as traumatic, necessarily, but we react in the same way: Immediately trying to get rid of the feeling, or numb it, or push it away, rather than let ourselves experience it.  And of we DO let ourselves feel it, it will teach us something.
For me, today, that has certainly been true.

**It's now a few hours later, and I'm feeling a WHOLE lot better.  Had a conversation (texting) that needed to be had, and it went very well.  Also introduced LG to the joys of rollerblading in the (cement-covered) front yard, and believe I have created a monster.  Oh, and WG had a little accident in her pull-up.  Well, not that little. Well, not exactly IN her pull-up, if you catch my drift.
Yeah.  Yuck.
But she's clean, the sheets & blanket are in the washing machine, and all is well.
And a lot less smelly.

Now LG is conducting scientific experiments in his bath.  Better go make sure he doesn't get TOO messy.  Or, y'know, blow up the house.


Friday, August 23, 2013


We're back from Yosemite.  It was a very nice trip (aside from the meltdowns and WG's refusal to sleep), but also sad.  We were hiking around on Wednesday, and made it to the top of Glacier Point, where we saw a massive plume of smoke.  Turns out there's a huge wildfire raging near the west entrance to the park.  In Groveland, near where we usually stay.  (This time there were no motel rooms available, so we decided to try a place by the south entrance.  We were lucky, because everyone on the west side is being evacuated.)  The fire got worse last night, going from 5% contained to 2%, and has burned over 150,000 acres so far. Last I checked it hadn't reached inside the park, but that was a few hours ago.

Groveland is a very small town that is pretty much entirely dependent on Yosemite tourism, financially.  Especially this time of year.  Folks are losing their homes AND their livlihoods, and it's just horrible.

But, we're home.  And until tomorrow night, we have the house to ourselves.  I'd forgotten what that was like.  It's awfully nice, and I don't know when it'll ever happen again.
There are a couple of nice homes nearby for sale: small, single-story, would be perfect for us.  However we are NOT prepared to spend over a million dollars on a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house on a postage stamp-sized lot, even if we had the money.

Forgive me if I'm grumpier than usual. I've had a lot of time to think lately, and there's a lot I'm not happy with.  There are things that still need changing, and I need the courage to change them. Or to simply speak up in order to bring about that change.
And, as I've mentioned before, the school year needs to start, like, yesterday!  WG goes back Monday, but LG doesn't start until the 3rd.  3 months of Camp Mom is waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much!

I'm also realizing fully how stressful I find our current living situation.  And I need to take steps to deal with that, because it won't be changing any time in the near future. It's funny how chronic stress can become so normal you don't even realize it's there.

On a MUCH happier note, I just found out that a friend of mine is teaching Improv at A.C.T in the city.  And since I've been looking for a class, it seems pretty perfect.

Anyway, got to get to bed. I need some sleep!  :)

Saturday, August 17, 2013

It's Easy Drinking Green

As I've mentioned (a few too many times) here, I've been juicing. Most concoctions have consisted of a nice mix of fruit & veg.  However, I've been avoiding green juices, imagining having to choke them down the same way I did cough syrup when I was 6 and had the flu.
But this morning I threw 2 handfuls of spinach, an apple, and half a lemon into the juicer.  And nothing else.  And y'know what?  It was DELICIOUS!  I made some for Hubby, and he drank it right down, as well.
So I've been combing through my recipe books and looking at other juice/smoothie concoctions, and, being the dork I am, I cannot wait to drag the kids to the produce section with me!
I'm hoping to get them to try some, as well.  There are a number of kid-friendly (read: can't taste the green stuff) recipes, so who knows?

It's even got me thinking about doing a 1 or 2 day juice/smoothie cleanse.  Now would be a good time, seeing as I'm kinda stuck in or near the house most of the time.
Do I dare?  :)
Maybe 1 day.
To start.

I find myself increasingly drawn toward whole, fresh foods.  Like big salads with kale, beets, & avocado, with homemade dressing,  or sashimi (I found a nearby store that sells amazing sushi-grade, very fresh fish), veggie soup, that sort of thing.  Of course, part of that is the fact that it's summer, it's hot, and all this amazing produce is in season.  It may be that, come December, the rainy (but thankfully not freezing) weather will have me craving more hearty fare.  But stuff like pizza, pasta, rice w/meat, all the things that were staples for so long, aren't as appealing to me.
Maybe I've just burned out on them, lol!

And we're almost at the end of Heck Week.  I MIGHT even be able to go to yoga class tonight if Hubbs get out of rehearsal early.  We shall see.  Next week he's on vacation and we take our Yosemite trip.  WOO-HOO!!!!!

Monday, August 12, 2013

If Only I Had a TARDIS. (And, Y'know, If Only They Actually Existed...)

A few years ago, my brother, who does Stuff for the Government, was in town on a Job.  He couldn't talk about it, but it was at a nearby lab.  I asked if he or anyone else was working on transporter technology.  He gave me his patented long-suffering-older-brother look and said "No."  So I replied with "OK, but when you say no, what you really mean is..." And HE said "I REALLY mean no."
Ah well.

Because I could use some more time. I'm sure we ALL could. But I realized this morning, as I was driving my in-laws to the airport for their 2 week Vegas vacay, that NONE of my time is my own, even when the kids are in school. I'm usually either working, cleaning, or taking care of something FOR the kids.
It felt weird driving this morning, because my kids weren't in the car.  My S-I-L was watching them until I got back.  After 3 months of hauling 1 or both with me everywhere, it was odd not having them.  And let's face it, I've spent the better part of the past 12 years hauling 1 or 2 kids around.

Tomorrow I'll take my mom to the airport.  The kids will come along, since there's no one to watch them.  We'll go to the grocery store and then the park, and then we'll relax at home.  Hubby has a performance, so he won't be home until late at night.  Over the weekend, we'll once again be dog sitting.  Which isn't hard, as the dog mainly, well, sits.  When he's not sleeping.  The hardest part is making sure he gets outside to do his business once in a while.

It also hit me that I REALLY need to get going on the things I've been SAYING I'm going to do.  Like that improv class.  And getting a regular, dependable sitter.  And new headshots.  And figuring out what my Equity/SAG/AFTRA status actually is.

And to STOP feeling guilty for not making much (if any) money!  I'm not being lazy!  I AM working, I just don't get paid!

In the meantime, we just need to get through the week. Then Hubby's off, and we go to Yosemite.

BTW, apropos of nothing, last night I dreamt I was going back to my old Shakespeare company, where I not only saw all my old buddies, but met up with Benedict Cumberbatch.  And Colin Firth came with me for the ride, except he wanted to take bicycles instead of my car.  Let me tell ya, biking the full length of the Massachusetts Turnpike is not easy! I was exhausted when I woke up! :)

Why can't I just have celebrity sex dreams like a normal person?!?!?!

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Camp Mom

Holy Cannoli I'm tired!
Nothing new, I suppose. But after 2 weeks of WG while LG finished up summer school, then 4 weeks of LG while WG was in summer school, and now a week of both (with 2 1/2 to go), I'm running out of brain-building ideas to keep them happy, active, and for tiring them out.
Of course, we swim nearly every day. And my mom's in town now for a few days, so we'll be over at her hotel using that pool.  Y'know, for a change of scenery. And in 2 weeks we're going to Yosemite!!!!!!!!  :)
Then WG will be back in school, and LG a week after that.
Next week, however, Hubby will be in rehearsals/performance, and my mom will be back home.  So it's just me, aaaaaaallllllll day and into the evening.


But, if I do say so myself, I think I've done a pretty good job so far of keeping them active & interested. We're all pretty tired at the end of the day, and they've been sleeping well.
And I have my twice-weekly yoga to keep me sane.  Well, except for next week.

But, before we know it, the new school year will have begun, and I will have a break.

Y'know what I'd REALLY like to do?  Go to one of he plush spas in Calistoga, by the natural hot springs, get a room with a comfy king-sized bed, and be placed into a medically induced coma for a week.
Followed by a day or two of springs-soaking and massage.

But that's probably not gonna happen.

In Geek News (Best if read in an old-timey newsreel-type of voice): The past few days have been a huge  boon for nerds and bookworms everywhere!  Starting with the release of the 26-second teaser-trailer for season 3 of "Sherlock," followed shortly by the announcement of the new "Doctor Who" (Peter Capaldi!!!!!!!! I'm so excited!!!!!!!), and then wrapping up with today's publication of "Undead & Unsure," the 12th installment of Maryjanice Davidson's "Queen Betsy" series!  There hasn't been this much excitement in Nerdville since the return of "Star Trek!"

OK.  Calming breaths.

Have I mentioned that I am now officially 44?  As of last Wednesday, when Hubby took me to the city for sushi, and I wore my brand-new jeans that my S-I-L bought for me.  The jeans I've since worn 5 times. The jeans I'm wearing now.  It's kind of a big deal, because I've been living in yoga pants for 7 years.  Ever since the weight started creeping on.
I used to live in jeans and tank tops.  But then I got fat & self-conscious & I put them away. But last Wednesday, along with my new jeans, I wore an old tank top.  And danged if I didn't feel sexy!  I've been wearing that tank top along with the jeans.

I need to get more pairs of jeans and some more tanks.

I've also been looking at the Daily Hiit workouts.  Holy moly!  But they look fab, and I'll probably start doing them next week. I'll build up to it, maybe starting with 2x/week. I'm getting stronger and fitter, and my 40's are shaping up (har har!) to be the best decade yet.

OK, off to relax.  Read some more "Queen Betsy" and surf Tumblr.  :)

Nighty-night, ducks!