Monday, April 29, 2013

Feeling MUCH Better

Some days are just...UGH!
And other days are better!

My M-I-L is fine, thank goodness!  It's a cyst, but benign.  WHEW!

We're gonna buy a juicer.  I'd been thinking about it for a while, but this scare has pushed me off the fence.  Because even with the best case scenario, we could all use a little more healthy stuff in our bodies. And I think LG might actually get more veggies in him if he can drink them.  (I'm not quite as worried about WG, especially after she ate 5 BOWLS of salad last night!!!!!!!!)  I've chosen the one we'll get, which many have said is perfect for those of us who are juicing virgins.

I'm not saying I want to convert my meat-and-white-rice-loving in-laws into vegan yogis, but they're already eating more fruits and veggies, and this can only help.
(I WOULD love to get them on a Pilates reformer, but, well, one step at a time.)

I must say that the EFT has, in 4 weeks, helped me attain a much better, different, perspective.  My stress levels are down, and feeling the way I did  the other day has become a less-common occurrence.  I'm even liking my body more, despite the fact that I have yet to lose a pound.

I'm back to my Monday morning alignment-based vinyasa yoga class.  I've missed it! That, along with Spin, walking, and lifting heavier weights, is helping me feel better, as well.

The other night Hubby and I had a LOOOONG talk.  Just about Stuff.  Y'know, Life, the Universe & Everything.  We hadn't talked like that in years, and it was GREAT!  One of the (many) things we both agree on is that getting out of LA. was the best move we could have made.  We still have friends there who, at our age (early to mid-40's) are convinced their Big Break is just around the corner.  But Hollywood is mostly a young person's game.  As much as I like them, and as talented as they are, the stardom thing just isn't gonna happen if it hasn't by now.  But it's SO EASY to get caught up in that mentality, and so many people put their lives on hold, waiting for it.  Until they wake up one day and realize most of their life has passed them by.
No thank you.

I'm sure, when my dad was my age, he didn't believe that more than half his life was already over.  That he would have less than 30 years left.  None of us knows how much time we have, and I spent too much of mine caring about what other people think and catering to people who either didn't matter to my life or could never be satisfied.
All Done.
Time to live my life.

Live well, love m y family, and appreciate what is.


Thursday, April 25, 2013

We're Only Human After All

If you're as old as I am, you may remember those lyrics from the 80's.  "Something About You" by Level 42.  GREAT song, kind of a one-hit (or, I guess, 2-hit) wonder here in the U.S.

You may have noticed that the world seems to be taking a free fall into Crazyville.  Between the bombings, the lockdown in Watertown, MA, the awful explosion in Texas, the thwarted terrorist attack in Canada (thank goodness!), someone hacking into the AP and announcing that the president had been injured, causing stock prices to nosedive, and now certain people (*cough Donald Trump cough*) calling for the suspected Boston bomber to be waterboarded, convicted without a trial, and put to death immediately, it's certainly been an...eventful few days.
Oh, and let's not forget the suspected ricin mailer.  An Elvis impersonator (I kid you not) who, at a press conference after his release, talked about his worry for his dog Moo-Cow.  (Moo-Cow is fine.  She's with Elvis- Wannabee's brother).

Update: This morning we woke up to the news of more accidental explosions (in Alabama) AND the news that my M-I-L might have breast cancer.  There was a spot on her mammogram, so she's going back to the doctor tomorrow to get it checked out.

So I was going to try and create a humorous, light-hearted post, but I'm just not in the right mindset to do so.  I'm scared, sad, and tired. I'm sick of fucking cancer striking seemingly everyone. And, honestly?  Sometimes it seems like the world is populated by too many morons and trolls, and I'm tired of them.

I'll get over it.  But some days I'm just exhausted, and dealing with all of it just seems like too much.  I wonder what the point of it all is.

So I guess it's time for me to watch "Jazz for Cows" on YouTube and cheer myself up.

Peace out.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Terrorism FAIL

I'm not even sure what to write.  I just feel the need to get something down.

My hometown experienced a terrorist attack today.  It hasn't been officially described as such yet, but when someone, or a group of someones, regardless of their beliefs, country of origin, religion, what have you, decide to hurt as many innocent people as possible, that's terrorism.  Targeting school kids, college students, marathon runners (many of whom were running for charity), and nearly 1 1/2 million people who showed up merely to cheer on a beloved tradition.
This was a holiday in Massachusetts.  Patriot's Day.  The Boston Marathon is THE marathon for a lot of runners.  People come from every part of the world to take part, and the world's elite runners compete.

When I lived in Boston I would sometimes go to a spot along the route and cheer the runners on.  I never went to the finish line because it was too crowded.  And it's only grown in popularity since then.
There's plenty of security, but there are no metal detectors.  No one checks backpacks, as so many students come to watch (there are about a dozen colleges and universities in the immediate vicinity), and it's always been a relaxed, happy occasion.  Schools are closed, as are government offices and banks, the post office, etc. So there are A LOT of people about.
And whoever did this knew that.  They targeted all those people.  They planned to hurt and KILL as many as possible.  3 are dead, possibly including an 8 year-old boy.  Others have life-threatening injuries, while still others have lost limbs.  Imagine being a marathon runner and losing a leg.

But...this attack was a failure.  It failed because as soon as the first bomb exploded, first responders, volunteers, and doctors began running TOWARDS the sight in order to help the injured.  Marathoners who were further away from the finish line immediately changed course, ran to Mass General hospital, and lined up to donate blood.  Spectators ripped off their shirts to stop the bleeding of  injured people near them, while others picked up complete strangers and carried them to triage tents. Tonight, thousands of Bostonians are going on Facebook and Twitter and opening their homes, offering places for people to stay until they get back to where they live.  The good people of Boston proved, once again, that there is more good in the world than evil.

While there are some pointing fingers, most of us are too busy figuring out what we can do to help. Even if it's simply offering up a prayer or a good thought.

My mom was in her office, a couple of miles north of the explosion.  She's fine, thank G-d.  My friend from school ran the marathon, and had just turned the corner onto Boyleston Street when the first bomb went off.  He's OK, too.  Thankfully.

I'm looking at the footage and seeing memories.  The first ever sci-fi/comic book convention I attended was right around the corner from the explosion.  I used to take the train to Copley Square to see movies and shop.  Our school took numerous field trips to the BPL (Boston Public Library).  I did performances at the church and at the Castle, and spent way more time than I should have window shopping on Newbury Street, and Newbury Comics was one of the few places I could buy "Doctor Who Magazine" back in the 80's.
This was my city.  I felt a huge sense of pride being from Boston.  Yes, I left in 1994, but it has been, and always will be, a part of me.  And tonight I'm both heartbroken and prouder than ever to have grown up in Bahston.

I think President Obama said it perfectly when he called Boston "resilient."  It's been through worse and come out strong, and it will again.

And I think that's a huge "F**K YOU" to the terrorists.

Which is just like a Bostonian.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Madness. Madness, I Tell You!

I watch reruns of "Doctor Who" in the morning.  I know, I know, I should probably NOT do it.  And up until a few years ago, my mornings were blissfully quiet, even with 2 young kids.  But then Hubby went on tour, stayed with his brother & sister-in-law, and got into the habit of watching the morning news with them.  So I got into the habit after he came back.  Then I decided I HATED watching the morning news, and took off upstairs ASAP (which now means after WG has been picked up for school and LG's lunch has been made).  I bring breakfast for myself and LG upstairs.  But BBC America has been showing reruns of DW at 7 AM PST, and I just can't seem to resist.
So, I watch TV in the morning.  And today I saw (yet another) Nutrisystem ad featuring a woman who hosts one of those morning talk shows in L.A. that I could never stomach.  She's probably in her 30's, but she looks older.  Why?  BECAUSE SHE'S SO FREAKIN' SKINNY!  And ORANGE!

L.A. goes through a lot of weird fashion trends.  Back in the 90's it was lipstick with a darker shade of lip liner.  That was all the rage, and women everywhere in the city looked like they'd just drunk (drank?) a big glass of chocolate milk. Then came the new century, with its super-skinny jeans and thongs sticking out the back. Yeah, classy!
Now it's bikinis with short shorts, high heels, hair extensions, and fake, orangey-tans.  And it is HIDEOUS!!!!!!!  Seriously, they look FREAKY! I know this is mean, but I just don't get it!  WHY would anyone want to look like the Crypt Keeper?  Because along with all of the above, the Botox thing is NOT going away. Not only not going away, but being used by younger and younger women.  I saw 2 other women this morning who's faces LITERALLY did not move while they were speaking.  And one was a yoga instructor!  I'm sorry, but flexibility in the body should include facial muscles.

At some point this week I am going to take the train into the city and walk around.  Just so I can see regular folks.  Sure, I can see regular folks in the 'burbs, but I live right near one of the most fabulous cities on the planet, and I may as well take advantage!  I love the hodgepodge of people in San Francisco.  From conservative business types to hippies to tourists to I-don't-know-WHAT-that-is. All coexisting fairly peacefully.
And, unlike L.A., there are very few super-skinny, overly-tanned, highly-botoxed, perfectly made-up, hair-extensioned 25 year-olds.  (If they wanna do that to themselves, that's fine. Doesn't mean the rest of us have to like it.)

Plus, WG is on spring break next week, so I need to get out out while I can, lol!

OK, rant over.  I'm going to try and do some yoga around my literally downward facing dog.
(Wish me luck: He's taking up most of the space!  :))

Thursday, April 4, 2013

I Know it's a Woman's Prerogative, But This is Kinda Nuts!

Today I officially start my EFT course.  And not a moment too soon!
Because I'm waffling again.
Today is also the final Shakespeare class before the kids perform next week.  Part of me is relieved, part of me is sad to be leaving them, and part of me is in "omigodwhatamIgonnadonow?!?!?!?!"  mode.  Because, for the first time in 5 years, I will no longer have a job.  And I still need to make student loan payments.

But I will admit, there's also a part of me that, well, wants to be a full-time SAHM again.
I know, I know, I must be cray-cray!  BUT, it's easier now that they're in school. I mean,  I really SHOULD have at least a part-time job, as much as for my state of mind as for those payments.  But maybe a few months off will be good for us. For one thing, it'll give me more perspective.  I'm guessing by the time September comes around I'll be begging for ANY job, lol! But it'll also give me time and energy to focus on FINALLY getting WG potty trained (she's made huge advances over the past 3 months, and we think this time the potty training will take, with the help of a behavioral therapist).  We're also getting her an Assistive Communication Device, like the one she uses at school.  It'll be an adjustment for all of us once we start using it at home.  And, of course, Summer is rapidly approaching, which means Summer VACATION will soon be here.  Not having to arrange child care will be a huge help.
So, while I won't be working outside the house and getting paid for the next few months, I will DEFINITELY still be working!

All of this means that I have, once again, changed my mind.  Which I've been doing a lot, lately.  I'm still applying for part-time teaching jobs, but they won't begin until the Fall, at the earliest.  I've also put aside any thought of getting back onstage, at least for these next few months.
There's been a lot of waffling lately, and I guess it's been needed.  But I'm getting a little tired of it.  That's why this EFT course is so exciting: It's come along at exactly the right time.  If I stay committed, I really think it'll help me figure a lot of my stuff out. It just feels like it's time, y'know?  I spent all those years hyper-focused on my goals, then became a mom, and hyper-focused on the kids, and then became un-tethered for a bit.  Again, I think that was a good thing. Probably exactly what I needed.  But it's time to get focused once more.

So when I start to panic, I remind myself that everything that's happened has, yes, happened for a reason, and I'm on the right track.

All is well.