Today I officially start my EFT course. And not a moment too soon!
Because I'm waffling again.
Today is also the final Shakespeare class before the kids perform next week. Part of me is relieved, part of me is sad to be leaving them, and part of me is in "omigodwhatamIgonnadonow?!?!?!?!" mode. Because, for the first time in 5 years, I will no longer have a job. And I still need to make student loan payments.
But I will admit, there's also a part of me that, well, wants to be a full-time SAHM again.
I know, I know, I must be cray-cray! BUT, it's easier now that they're in school. I mean, I really SHOULD have at least a part-time job, as much as for my state of mind as for those payments. But maybe a few months off will be good for us. For one thing, it'll give me more perspective. I'm guessing by the time September comes around I'll be begging for ANY job, lol! But it'll also give me time and energy to focus on FINALLY getting WG potty trained (she's made huge advances over the past 3 months, and we think this time the potty training will take, with the help of a behavioral therapist). We're also getting her an Assistive Communication Device, like the one she uses at school. It'll be an adjustment for all of us once we start using it at home. And, of course, Summer is rapidly approaching, which means Summer VACATION will soon be here. Not having to arrange child care will be a huge help.
So, while I won't be working outside the house and getting paid for the next few months, I will DEFINITELY still be working!
All of this means that I have, once again, changed my mind. Which I've been doing a lot, lately. I'm still applying for part-time teaching jobs, but they won't begin until the Fall, at the earliest. I've also put aside any thought of getting back onstage, at least for these next few months.
There's been a lot of waffling lately, and I guess it's been needed. But I'm getting a little tired of it. That's why this EFT course is so exciting: It's come along at exactly the right time. If I stay committed, I really think it'll help me figure a lot of my stuff out. It just feels like it's time, y'know? I spent all those years hyper-focused on my goals, then became a mom, and hyper-focused on the kids, and then became un-tethered for a bit. Again, I think that was a good thing. Probably exactly what I needed. But it's time to get focused once more.
So when I start to panic, I remind myself that everything that's happened has, yes, happened for a reason, and I'm on the right track.
All is well.