Monday, August 24, 2015

The Light at the End, and an Unexpected Letter

LG started school a week and a half ago.  WG goes back in 2 days.  My mom is back home, after a nice (if busy and somewhat crazy-making) weeklong visit.  Hubby is back from Yosemite and has started rehearsals while taking a semi-sabbatical from his regular job.
Oh, and the new season of Doctor Who starts in just under a month.  :)
AND, there's a distinct possibility of a bit of teaching work here and there (acting and voice).
Things are lookin' up!

So, the letter. Last Monday I was waiting for LG's bus to arrive (Making sure I wasn't late, as, after the first 2 days, I was already on the transportation department's sh*t list.  Which was TOTALLY unfair, seeing as the bus came at 2 different times on 2 different days, AND I was originally told that there wouldn't even BE a bus the first week, AND no one told me that the schedule had changed, AND no one ever picks up the phone in that office. AND the school schedule is REALLY CONFUSING!!!!!!  But I digress...) and I checked the mailbox, hoping that a T-shirt I'd ordered had arrived.  It hadn't  but there was a letter with the BBC logo on it. From Wales.  And my family's name and address handwritten on the front.  Inside was a handwritten note, from a certain actor I have admired for over 20 years.  Thanking me for a card I'd sent, wishing us all well, and, get this, APOLOGIZING for the delay in writing back!  I'd sent the card in December, with ZERO expectation of a reply.  Just as a way to reach out during a difficult time.
So there I was, basically a melted puddle of goo on the sidewalk as the bus arrived.  I got LG off the bus and floated back up the hill to the house. (Hmmm...floating goo...not the nicest image...)

I showed the letter to my mom, who also melted a bit.  Then to my sister-in-law, who got mushy.  Then I took photos and texted them to Hubby, who was mightily impressed. I wanted to carry it around with me everywhere, but was afraid of losing it. So it's in my Drawer Of Things To Be Saved and Cherished.

I am so amazed and touched that he took the time to do that.  A man who, by all accounts, receives over 1,000 letters a week, and spends up to 18 hours a day on set, 5 days a week, only seeing his family on weekends.  It speaks volumes (as if more confirmation was needed) of what a complete mensch he is.

Oh, and the T-shirt arrived the next day.  ;)

Switching subjects completely, on the nutrition/exercise front, I've been following our local PBS station's airing of Classical Stretch workouts 3-5 days a week, and walking, along with a yoga class here and there.  And the Spin bike, usually for about 20 minutes.  I've also found a great Chris Freytag workout on YouTube that combines indoor walking and weights.  It's low-impact, but challenging. 'Cause nowadays I'm ALL about the challenge-me-but-please-don't-kill me fitness regimen.
I'm also taking advantage of Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights, when the in-laws are at church and the kitchen is free.  This past week I've made sweet potato and corn chowder (courtesy of Karma Chow), healthy chocolate banana bread muffins (Chocolate Covered Katie), granola (Healthy, Happy Vegan Kitchen), and lots of variations on a Buddha Bowl, courtesy of a bunch of different sources.

If only I could get the kids to eat any of it...

OK, gotta go do some of the (neverending) paperwork for said kiddoes.  Have a good one!

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Me, Me, MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy Crud!
5 WEEKS since my last post?!?!?!?!
Bad blogger!  (Slaps wrist.)
Oy, I am SO sorry!

But things have been...difficult.

Lots of issues, angst, and anxiety.
Suffice to say that my mom is in a bad situation that could become infinitely worse, but she refuses to see it.
The kids are on summer break, although LG starts high school next week.

And I think I've been going about things the wrong way lately.
I've been asking the Universe for help, for what I want and/or need, and it hasn't been working out.

I think I need to step back and take a good, hard look at that process.  I've always known that in order to get something, most of us have to work pretty hard toward it.  Whenever I've achieved a goal, regardless of what it was, it was the result of focus and effort.  I've never believed that wishing makes it so.

What I've been wanting from the universe is guidance.  And maybe I've been getting it, maybe not.  The main problem is that I have let myself believe a lot of negative and UNTRUE stuff about myself.

I've believed I'm weak.  But would a weak person be able to raise 2 kids with special needs? Would a weak person have been able to earn a living for nearly a decade in an industry that, at any given time, has a 98% unemployment rate? Do weak people wake up every morning, for years on end, get out of bed, and do the things that terrify them the most? Is it a sign of weakness to sacrifice one's dreams and goals in order to be there for the people who need them most?
Do weak people continue on despite the belief that they are worthless?

See, I've lived through a whole lotta sh*t in my 46 years.  A WHOOOOOOOOOOLE lot.  And it's made me stronger, better, and certainly more empathetic.  I very rarely get what I want.  But maybe, just maybe, I get what I NEED.  And I just have trouble recognizing it.

And maybe, just maybe, I'm actually a pretty kick-ass chick.
It's easy for people who have never struggled to sit in judgment of the rest of us.  And I have made the mistake of listening to and believing them, for far too long.
They have NO IDEA what the rest of us go through, on a daily basis.  They, as the saying goes, were born on third base and believe they hit a triple.

It's like the naturally skinny girl/guy who makes fun of overweight people.  They are basically talking out of their a**es.

And I refuse to listen anymore.  Because they're full of it.

So, instead of asking the universe, I'm going to look inside myself.  Because THAT'S where the answers are.