Thursday, August 6, 2015

Me, Me, MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy Crud!
5 WEEKS since my last post?!?!?!?!
Bad blogger!  (Slaps wrist.)
Oy, I am SO sorry!

But things have been...difficult.

Lots of issues, angst, and anxiety.
Suffice to say that my mom is in a bad situation that could become infinitely worse, but she refuses to see it.
The kids are on summer break, although LG starts high school next week.

And I think I've been going about things the wrong way lately.
I've been asking the Universe for help, for what I want and/or need, and it hasn't been working out.

I think I need to step back and take a good, hard look at that process.  I've always known that in order to get something, most of us have to work pretty hard toward it.  Whenever I've achieved a goal, regardless of what it was, it was the result of focus and effort.  I've never believed that wishing makes it so.

What I've been wanting from the universe is guidance.  And maybe I've been getting it, maybe not.  The main problem is that I have let myself believe a lot of negative and UNTRUE stuff about myself.

I've believed I'm weak.  But would a weak person be able to raise 2 kids with special needs? Would a weak person have been able to earn a living for nearly a decade in an industry that, at any given time, has a 98% unemployment rate? Do weak people wake up every morning, for years on end, get out of bed, and do the things that terrify them the most? Is it a sign of weakness to sacrifice one's dreams and goals in order to be there for the people who need them most?
Do weak people continue on despite the belief that they are worthless?

See, I've lived through a whole lotta sh*t in my 46 years.  A WHOOOOOOOOOOLE lot.  And it's made me stronger, better, and certainly more empathetic.  I very rarely get what I want.  But maybe, just maybe, I get what I NEED.  And I just have trouble recognizing it.

And maybe, just maybe, I'm actually a pretty kick-ass chick.
It's easy for people who have never struggled to sit in judgment of the rest of us.  And I have made the mistake of listening to and believing them, for far too long.
They have NO IDEA what the rest of us go through, on a daily basis.  They, as the saying goes, were born on third base and believe they hit a triple.

It's like the naturally skinny girl/guy who makes fun of overweight people.  They are basically talking out of their a**es.

And I refuse to listen anymore.  Because they're full of it.

So, instead of asking the universe, I'm going to look inside myself.  Because THAT'S where the answers are.

1 comment:

Geosomin said...

It sounds like you're moving towards what you need.
I hope the next while brings you what you need and the strength to do it.