Sunday, August 28, 2016

Asking for Help...And Getting It!

Last night I posted my concern about the (potential) cost of WG's (potential) medication on my Facebook page, and was almost immediately bombarded with suggestions and empathy from friends.  I'm MUCH more hopeful today than I was yesterday, and it MAY be that this is a lot more doable (and affordable) than we originally thought.

Fingers crossed.

I am cautiously optimistic about the whole thing.
Which is sort of like rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns for a normal person.  :)

I've also joined a Facebook group that's got oodles of info on the topic.  Hopefully we can get her started soon.

So...away we go!

Thursday, August 25, 2016


I spoke with WG's teacher today, and we've both come to the same conclusion: A lot of her behavior stems from anxiety.  And there are other kids in her school who take meds for anxiety, and have been helped quite a lot.  So we're looking into it.  One of the options is a bit controversial (and expensive), but it may be our best option.
Because the last thing we want is for her to experience that.  Especially at the levels I experienced it at her age.  I was in a place where waking up in the morning and going to school caused crippling fear.  I hope she never, EVER has to feel that way!

So, we'll do whatever it takes to help her.

Part of me feels badly because she inherited her anxiety from me.  On the other hand, at least I'm more informed than my parents and grandparents were.  We're learning SO MUCH about the brain, and how it functions, and I'm glad we live in an era where that information is available.

And I'm going to ignore all the voices (mine and others) that try to make us feel guilty for medicating her, if that's what it comes to.

Quite frankly, anyone who tried to tell us that we're doing it "wrong" can, to quote Malcolm Tucker, f*ck the f*ck off.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Starting Anew

Blog-wise.  And in other ways, too.

3 months after my last post, I am re-committing to this blog.  At this point, I'm probably the only one who will see it.  Which is OK.  I'm trying to get myself to write at least a little each day, and this is a as good a place to start as any.

It's been a somewhat difficult summer.  Moving into the kids' adolescence is quite the adventure.  Activities that used to be surefire favorites are now disliked.  Sleep patterns are, once again, disrupted.  And behaviors we'd thought had gone by the wayside shortly after toddlerhood have come back, only this time the kids are bigger and stronger.
So I am searching for guidance.  Online and in person.  Because navigating adolescence is hard enough.  I can't even imagine what it's like doing so with autism.

Recently I read a piece online about what a meltdown feels like for an autistic person.  And it made so much sense!  Because I, as an adult, have had many meltdowns (usually in my car, when I'm alone), and they feel EXACTLY like what the writer described!  Not that I'm comparing my experiences to my kids', but I suddenly saw things a whole lot more clearly.
And it's made me think.  A lot.

I truly believe that autism is mainly hereditary.  It could be exacerbated by environmental concerns, certainly, but I don't believe it's CAUSED by them.  Sometimes I see much of myself, especially as a child, in my kids' behaviors.   Sure, much of my own behavior was learned from my parents and grandparents, but the physical issues (brain chemistry, for example) that lead to depression and anxiety could also be genetic, right?  I really need to do more research on this.

I'm trying to teach my daughter that getting angry and upset is OK.  The physical lashing out that often accompanies it isn't, but the emotions themselves are VALID.  Same with my son, who rarely takes it out on others, but seems to absorb it back into himself.

I'd like to create an Autism Utopia: A village for autistic people and their families to live and work in.  It would be safe, friendly, affordable, and everyone would be accepted as they are.  And there would be as much support as needed. I read stories from autistic people telling of how difficult and painful it is to get through the day.  It's horrifying and heartbreaking.

(BTW, as I was writing this, I found a study that says that kids can inherit depression and anxiety from their parents.  So, yay Science!
But boo my genes for passing this along!)

In other (related) discoveries, I've realized I need my Zoloft, that my kids need melatonin, and WG needs a nap in the middle of the day, even if she's at school.

As to the Zoloft, I'm going to request it when I go to the doctor for my checkup in a couple of weeks.I'm tired of feeling ashamed of needing it.  If I needed a blood thinner, or heart medication, I wouldn't feel this way.  But I still buy into the stigma surrounding anything having to do with my own mental health.  Not anyone else's, just mine.

OK, gotta go.  More soon!