Monday, August 22, 2016

Starting Anew

Blog-wise.  And in other ways, too.

3 months after my last post, I am re-committing to this blog.  At this point, I'm probably the only one who will see it.  Which is OK.  I'm trying to get myself to write at least a little each day, and this is a as good a place to start as any.

It's been a somewhat difficult summer.  Moving into the kids' adolescence is quite the adventure.  Activities that used to be surefire favorites are now disliked.  Sleep patterns are, once again, disrupted.  And behaviors we'd thought had gone by the wayside shortly after toddlerhood have come back, only this time the kids are bigger and stronger.
So I am searching for guidance.  Online and in person.  Because navigating adolescence is hard enough.  I can't even imagine what it's like doing so with autism.

Recently I read a piece online about what a meltdown feels like for an autistic person.  And it made so much sense!  Because I, as an adult, have had many meltdowns (usually in my car, when I'm alone), and they feel EXACTLY like what the writer described!  Not that I'm comparing my experiences to my kids', but I suddenly saw things a whole lot more clearly.
And it's made me think.  A lot.

I truly believe that autism is mainly hereditary.  It could be exacerbated by environmental concerns, certainly, but I don't believe it's CAUSED by them.  Sometimes I see much of myself, especially as a child, in my kids' behaviors.   Sure, much of my own behavior was learned from my parents and grandparents, but the physical issues (brain chemistry, for example) that lead to depression and anxiety could also be genetic, right?  I really need to do more research on this.

I'm trying to teach my daughter that getting angry and upset is OK.  The physical lashing out that often accompanies it isn't, but the emotions themselves are VALID.  Same with my son, who rarely takes it out on others, but seems to absorb it back into himself.

I'd like to create an Autism Utopia: A village for autistic people and their families to live and work in.  It would be safe, friendly, affordable, and everyone would be accepted as they are.  And there would be as much support as needed. I read stories from autistic people telling of how difficult and painful it is to get through the day.  It's horrifying and heartbreaking.

(BTW, as I was writing this, I found a study that says that kids can inherit depression and anxiety from their parents.  So, yay Science!
But boo my genes for passing this along!)

In other (related) discoveries, I've realized I need my Zoloft, that my kids need melatonin, and WG needs a nap in the middle of the day, even if she's at school.

As to the Zoloft, I'm going to request it when I go to the doctor for my checkup in a couple of weeks.I'm tired of feeling ashamed of needing it.  If I needed a blood thinner, or heart medication, I wouldn't feel this way.  But I still buy into the stigma surrounding anything having to do with my own mental health.  Not anyone else's, just mine.

OK, gotta go.  More soon!