Thursday, August 29, 2013

Going Through to get Out

Not entirely sure what's going on in these brain of mine, but I recently signed up for a 10-day cleanse (gentle: With solid food and a decided lack of colonics), I'm in the midst of the Exhale Core Fusion 30-Day sculpt, and then I'm going to start Ultimate Yogi, which is 108 straight days of yoga.  Taking breaks as needed, of course.  Since the kids are (nearly) back in school, I'm sure the viruses will be rearing their ugly heads around here before too long, as school-age kids are basically petri dishes with limbs.
But we'll see how it goes.  I'm taking some time off after the kids are back in school.  Not actively looking for teaching gigs right away.  Partly because my in-laws are going to Hawaii for 2 moths and we won't have child care, but also because, well, I REALLY need to learn classroom management!  It's the one area I never really got much training in. Plus, I want to focus a bit on my own creative processes, which will make me a better teacher.
Add to that, there's just not a whole lot of opportunities right now, so even if I WERE looking to teach, well, I'd be out of luck.

Feeling INCREDIBLY anxious today.  Part of it is facing up to all the crap, taking initiative, speaking up, etc.  It scares the heck out of me, but I'm doing it.  I know it's going to change the dynamics of some relationships.  Hopefully for the better.  But, y'know, the only way out is through, and all that.
Yesterday I heard an interview with Dr. Mark Epstein, who is a Buddhist psychiatrist.  He has a new book out called "The Trauma of Everyday Life" in which he says that while everyone will experience major trauma at come point (the death of a loved one, for example), there are also smaller traumas, like loneliness and fear.  We don't think of these things as traumatic, necessarily, but we react in the same way: Immediately trying to get rid of the feeling, or numb it, or push it away, rather than let ourselves experience it.  And of we DO let ourselves feel it, it will teach us something.
For me, today, that has certainly been true.

**It's now a few hours later, and I'm feeling a WHOLE lot better.  Had a conversation (texting) that needed to be had, and it went very well.  Also introduced LG to the joys of rollerblading in the (cement-covered) front yard, and believe I have created a monster.  Oh, and WG had a little accident in her pull-up.  Well, not that little. Well, not exactly IN her pull-up, if you catch my drift.
Yeah.  Yuck.
But she's clean, the sheets & blanket are in the washing machine, and all is well.
And a lot less smelly.

Now LG is conducting scientific experiments in his bath.  Better go make sure he doesn't get TOO messy.  Or, y'know, blow up the house.



Geosomin said...

The idea of cleanses kinda wierd me out. I get them...I have a lot of hippie friends who swear b y the master cleanses but I'm a cranky crankster if I don't eat so I don't know how well I'd do...altho I often drink enough tea to make for a cleanse on some weekends :)
The yoga would be fun. I need to do more yoga...I am so clumsy and I bet it would help feel less flailey

azusmom said...

Yeah, I chose this cleanse because it has actual food, lol! It's basically just clean, vegan food for 10 days. The hardest part will be (dun dun DUN!!!!!) no caffeine.