Because of the airport snafu in Georgia, I can't fly out until tomorrow. I'm home alone right now (hubby, kids, and dog are at the in-laws: I'll be joining them after rush hour) with my thoughts. After talking to my brother after the CT scan, it looks as if our dad is not doing well at all. There are some treatment they are going to try, but he is 70 years old and there is A LOT of swelling in his brain.
Fucking cancer.
It took my grandmother, and my brother-in-law's dad, and one of our dogs. My mother, so far, is doing well. her breast cancer doesn't seem to have come back (knock wood).
The thing is, and this is going to sound weird, but I had a dream about my father last night. It was a good dream, but I woke up feeling that all was not well with him, and that I needed to prepare myself. And then my brother called. See, a few years ago, I had a dream about our dog. Right before he was diagnosed with cancer. It was, again, a good dream, but he was gone a few months later. That dream, and the one last night, were very symbolic. I won't go into details, but they were telling me things. Like i said, it sounds weird.
I'm most worried about my mother. This is going to devastate her. She'll get through it, but she is going to have to GO through it, first. I want her to come and stay with us, or at least with my brother and his family, for a bit.
I'm also torn. My kids are starting school. I just found out an hour ago that my daughter is going to a new school, not the one we thought she'd be going to, that we had planned on, and that she has been going to for over a year. I don't know how she will react to the transition, and I may not be home for it, which is REALLY freaking me out. My daughter needs me here, and my parents and brother need me in Massachusetts.
I wish I had a tele-port!
I wonder if my kids will remember my father. My son, who is 7, might. But my daughter is not yet 5.
I'm also freaking out about flying. Once I'm on the plane I'll be fine, but anticipating it drives me nuts, lol! But I'm flying on Jet Blue for the first time, which should be kind of fun. And hey, I'll get 6 hours to myself. that's something, right?
And my in-laws are AMAZING! They've been calling all day to wish us well, and to offer all the help they can give.
OK, I'm off. Take care, you guys!
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4 comments:
Oh Alyssa!!! I am so so sorry to hear about your dad. My thoughts are with you and your family. And I'm sorry that you have to choose between helping your father transition and helping your daughter transition.
I am a "dreamer" in that way too and take great comfort in them. Good luck on your trip. (((hugs)))
Oh, I don't even know what to say. Is there anything we can do for you? maybe Charlotte, me and you can have a three-way phone convo?
Anyway, whatever you need, we're here for you.
xoxo
Thank you both so much!!!!!!
We spent all day at the hospital, and my father was very agitaed at first, but then fell asleep and has been sleeping since. They've upped the doses on his meds and streoids, so we're taking it day by day.
I'll keep you posted, and thanks again, so much!
Do keep us posted. Thinking of you...
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