Sunday, June 27, 2010


(Gotta love David Bowie!!!!!)

So, since Hubby is going to work full-time, it's time for Mommy, AKA me, to cut down on some hours.  The fact is, I've been thinking of doing so for a while, but didn't feel I could as we needed as much income as possible.  But I'm stretched kinda thin, working at 3 different locations and trying to do everything I can for the kiddos.  And I think the kids are paying a bit for that (can you say meltdowns?)  I've even been fantasizing about becoming a full-time stay-at-home mom again.  Not that that's going to happen; I really enjoy my job and make some decent coin.  But there are days when I imagine having some time to myself when the kids are in school, not having to worry about getting a sitter, etc.  Of course, then I'd have no excuse for not cleaning the house...
But I've also noticed that, over the past week, spending more time with WG while she's out of school, that we're having an easier time understanding her needs, and she hasn't had a meltdown in almost a week (I probably shouldn't put that out there, lest she have a HUGE one, lol!). If the kids were typical I wouldn't worry about them as much, obviously.
(Oh PUH-LEASE!!!!!  Who am I kidding?  I am the Worrier QUEEN!  OF COURSE I'd still worry!)
But they're still so young, and still in vital stages of development, and leaving them with a sitter so often makes it harder on ALL of us.  Never mind the planning that goes on!  Some days I feel like Eisenhower plotting troop movements! "At 0600 Private WG will awaken and require breakfast.  Major Hubby will dress and feed her while General M (yours truly) prepares rations for the school day.  At approximately 0705, Pvt. WG will then proceed outside, where her conveyance will load her in and take her to basic training/school.  At 0730 Maj. Hubby will awaken Pvt. LG, and leave for the V.A.  Gen. M will proceed to dress and feed Pvt. LG, then load him into conveyance #2 for transport to school.  They will be accompanied by Lt. Dog, who will need to relieve herself before boarding said conveyance."
And when we add sitters into the mix?!?!?!Fuhgedaboudit!!!!! (Usually my in-laws watch them.  They're retired.  But I think they're both considering going back to work; they need a rest!)
To top it all off, I am bloody tired!  I'm exhausted ALL. THE. TIME. And I'm no good to anyone when I feel like this. Not the kids, not my clients (I feel like I've been teaching on autopilot the past few days), not Hubby, and not myself. Even the dog suffers; she doesn't get a nice long walk through the neighborhood, or a play date at the doggie park; she gets the bare minimum!  Outside, go do that doodoo that you do so well, than back in. 
So now I have to tell the workout studio I got hired at 2 months ago that I can no longer work there.  Oy, the guilt!  I'm the only Pilates teacher they have right now.  They had another but she moved away.  But I just CAN'T do it anymore! And since I've been working there the shortest amount of time (and it's the hardest on my schedule), it's the one I have to leave. I left a message for my supervisor asking her to call me, but haven't heard from her yet.  I wonder if it's REALLY bad form to quit via email? 
I'm also hoping that once I complete my re-certification I can redo my teaching schedule so that I teach most of my hours while the kids are in school, so I'm home when they are. 
Because I am finally realizing that my family and I come first.  Yes, I owe it to my clients to be as good a teacher as I can be, but doesn't that mean being fully present?  And I don't think adding more and more hours to my teaching schedule necessarily makes me a better teacher. As it is, I'm one of only 2 instructors who are willing to sub other classes, so now I'm EXPECTED to!  I don't seem to have a choice!  So, if I keep up my current schedule, I will teach 40 classes in July, with 5 days off the entire month.  That's kinda crazy, isn't it?!?!?! I CANNOT do it! Maybe 15 years ago, when I was in my 20's and childless, but not now.
At this stage in my life, my main job is that of mom.  Teaching is secondary. Some people may not like it, but that's how it is.
Now I gotta go lie down.


azusmom said...

And, of course, 30 minutes after I finished this post, WG had a HUGE meltdown!!!!!
Shouldn't 'a said anything, lol!

Geosomin said...

"They will be accompanied by Lt. Dog, who will need to relieve herself before boarding said conveyance."
he hee...

Take time for yourself. I'm in a a similar thing here at the moment with too many things and not enough time...let a lone time for myself. It makes you so stressed just living life doesn't it?
If you can, make more time for life. At the end of the day busy is not alweays happy. I know I have to keep reminding myself of that. :)

azusmom said...

It's true! SO often at the end of a busy day I just feel exhausted, rather than like I accomplished a lot.