Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Need Some Advice (or, My Neuroses are showing)

If anyone is reading this, I could use some advice.  I've been blogging here (irregularly) for a couple of years now.  When I started it was just for me, a way to purge my feelings.  A journal.  Because I had trouble writing in an actual journal and, for whatever reason, it was easier to type stuff out.
Then an interesting thing happened; other people found this blog, and read it, and started commenting and even following it.  Didn't expect that, lol! 
Seriously, I figured that with so many blogs, so many people online, I'd just get lost in the ether and type away in obscurity.
Which was totally fine.
But when actual people started reading and commenting, I must say I got a little spoiled.
Which brings me to my neuroses: see, I'm one of those annoying people who assumes that no one will like me.  Why should they?  What do I have to offer, after all? If things change, I assume it's because I did something wrong.
Believe me, I KNOW this is paranoid, and I'm working on it, lol!  But I'm also wondering if I should continue.  What, exactly, is the point of a blog?  Is it really just a journal?  Should I be trying to inform? Entertain? Does it need to be more than just me spewing my thoughts and feelings all over these interwebs? And what happens if I offend someone?  'Cause I don't ever mean to, it just happens sometimes.  I know in my head that I'm not "supposed" to worry about offending people, but I do.  I don't like making others upset.  I HATE confrontation. And if someone else is unhappy, I am too.
Yup.  I'm THAT girl.  The one who is SOOOO sensitive, lol!
But I must admit to feeling especially raw lately. Part of it is the work I'm doing in the Geneen Roth retreat, and part of it is stuff going on in my professional life.  Combine the two, and my emotions and self-confidence have taken some pretty hard hits over the past few weeks. And I'm wondering if posting here is helping, hurting, or neutral.  I have actually been writing in my journal lately, which helps.  but I also have to put a semi-hiatus on therapy due to financial issues, and that is really scaring me.  Because it's incredibly helpful and I've made a lot of progress.  But I also don't think it's fair to put my issues on whatever readers venture over here.
'Cause there not even that INTERESTING, lol!
So if you're here, would you mind throwing your 2 cents in?  Are you a regular reader? Do you enjoy my rants? Have I offended you in the past (or now)? So you wish I'd just shut up, already?
PLEASE be honest.  It's better that I know the truth.
Thank you!


Rumor said...

Follow Me. :) After you read my blog you'll know all about how a scattered unbalanced brain works! :) I enjoy reading your blog because it's just that...everyday life stuff. I hate to read blogs where someone is trying to "be" something. I like the blogs that are just about life. I tend to just tell it like it is on my blog. So, brace yourself, read a bit and then if you are feeling brave, you can follow. :)

azusmom said...

Thank you for the input!

Charlotte said...

Oh girl - I read this because I love you! And because your brain works just like my brain. And because I'm convinced that in real life (if we are to ever meet which I hope we do someday) we would be best-est buddies. I just love reading about whatever's on your mind. And nope, you have never offended me! Even when you thought you did, you didn't;) Keep writing what and when and how it works best for you!

azusmom said...

Thank you, Charlotte! I love you, too, and I REALLY hope we get to meet one day! You're opinion means A LOT to me!!!!! xoxoxoxo