(OK, just to qualify, NO I am NOT pregnant!!!!!!!!)
I was reading Leslie's post on iVillage (which STILL isn't letting me post comments! grrrrr!) about the press hysteria regarding spotting non-existent baby bumps. The big trend for the tabloids these days is all about reporting, falsely, which celeb is pregnant this week. As Leslie points out, the "baby bump" is usually nothing more than a teeny-tiny bit o' food bump. In other words, said celeb ate something, and now her flat stomach has a barely-noticeable air pocket. Of course, websites and entertainment shows pick up the "story" and run with it, causing the celeb to come out and say moronic things like "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat." (Thank you, un-fat Khloe Kardashian. Oh, and thank you, for real, Leslie, for the story and the links!!!!).
So, apparently, the big trend now is body shapers to "hide" a pregnancy. (I saw one of these in the Spanx catalogue. Yes, I sometimes wear Spanx, shut up.) Lesli is horrified by the idea, and rightly so. Let me just say that during my pregnancies I wore a support belt UNDER my belly to help alleviate the pressure on my back, and that thing was a godsend! I COMPLETELY understand and support (hee!) a garment like that!
But garments that go over and constrict a pregnant belly? Nuh-uh!!!! Yes there are experts who believe it does no harm to the babe (see again Leslie's post), but I don't trust it. Plus, the very idea of HIDING a pregnancy is SO, like, 19th century, hel-lo!
Of course, back then the pregnancy was hidden for different reasons; if you were unmarried, your life was basically over and you would most likely end up as a streetwalker because no "respectable" person would have anything to do with you. If you were married, and a member of the "upper class," then you'd either be stuck inside your luxurious townhome or shuffled off to the country estate once you began to show. Because seeing a pregnant woman made "respectable" people think of sex, and we cannot have that!
These days we equate pregnant with fat. Look at the celebs who refused to appear in public during their 3rd trimesters and only re-appeared once the baby was born and all the weight was gone. Now women are not only expected to drop the weight 5 minutes after giving birth, their supposed to have flat stomachs DURING pregnancy?!?!?! Uh, sorry, but that is anatomically IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!
There's also a disturbing trend of smaller babies. Some celebs have babies that are barely 5 pounds at birth. These are the same ladies who refused to gain much weight during the pregnancy. Unfortunately, this little tidbit is not widely reported. Instead, we have the toothy grins of entertainment reporters saying"congrats to so-and-so, who gave birth to a healthy 5 pound girl!!!" Sorry, but 5 pounds is not usually considered a healthy weight for a newborn! Are we REALLY willing to put our childrens' health at risk in order to be a hot mom?!?!?!
Finally, I just have to say that I'm rather tired of the robot clone moms. I live in the suburbs, and see TONS of new moms pushing their babies in trendy, overpriced strollers, all while sporting perfect bodies, nails, and hair. Y'know what this says to me? That their kids are usually in the hands of a nanny, while they go off to the gym/spa/salon. Am I being judgmental? Yup. But why not? After all, the rest of us, who don't have the luxury of 24-hour nannies, personal trainers, etc. are CONSTANTLY being judged. For not being perfectly put together, for the spit-up stains on our clothes, the circles under our eyes, and ESPECIALLY for our chubby, sagging tummies. You want to go to the salon? Fine. But keep your mouth shut when your standing in line at Starbucks behind the mom who doesn't have the time, money, or energy to do the same.
All right, enough of that. Let's talk about an old friend of mine. OK, I don't actually KNOW her personally, but I have worked out with her many times. Her name is Denise Austin. And if you know who she is, you probably either love her or hate her. I definitely fall into the former camp. I like working out with someone who is kind, optimistic, and cheerful. Don't get me wrong, I love me a good Jillian Michaels workout now and then, but on a regular basis it gets to be overwhelming, that boot-camp style barking.
So yesterday I was thinking about my favorite cardio workouts. Because lately I've been having a really hard time getting motivated to do the cardio. It used to be my favorite but lately I just can't seem to get my mojo working. So I started thinking about the workouts I used to enjoy. Aside from walking and cycling, I really loved a Denise DVD called "Blast Away 10 Pounds." It's a 30-minute kickboxing workout, and I did it a lot after LG was born. It was on VHS, and I wore that tape out. (Yes, this was back in '02. Yes, we've covered that I'm old. Shush, whippersnappers!) So I went on to her website and, lo and behold, it is on DVD AND on sale AND I can get a FREE walking DVD with my order! Free is good! Who doesn't like free?
Plus, I kinda need to leave my ego out of it. Sure, I'd like to "master" workouts like "Insanity," but if I don't enjoy it, what's the point? And I must say that the trendy workouts, with the young, beautiful, sweaty people and their perfectly coordinated outfits and their "I'm so intense, look how hard I'm working" faces are kind of a turnoff at this stage of the game. The nice thing about people like Denise Austin, Kathy Smith and Karen Voight is that they are fairly mellow and VERY encouraging, so you don't realize, during the workout, that they are, in fact, trying to kill you.
What I'm saying is that it is perfectly possible to get in a killer workout without the killer attitude. Don't scare me. Don't make me feel bad because I am not one the beautiful people, or because I sometimes need to make a move low-impact rather than jumping 12 feel into the air. I can pretty much guarantee that when you're my age, sonny, you'll want to protect your joints, too!
So I'll stick with my old favorites, thankyouverymuch (and, BTW, 2002 was only 8 years ago!). And I'll add new ones that interest me, like Cathe Friedrich and Zumba and "Disco Abs." And I'll keep riding my bike, walking my dog, and running after my kids.
And playing with them in the pool, which is SO much more fun than swimming laps!
Because I've finally realized I have enough Insanity in my life.