I'm very lucky. In a lot of ways. I don't live in an area that is being bombarded by shells and explosions. My family and I don't live on the streets. I don't have to cover myself from head-to-toe, or be accompanied by my husband whenever I venture outside. We're not in a refugee camp, and our water still flows out of our tap (for the time being, anyway). We have food, clothing, and shelter. My husband is gainfully employed, as I hope to be, sooner or later. Our kids are physically, emotionally, and psychologically healthy, and we have a great support system in place to help deal with the challenges their autism can bring up.
However (ya knew that was coming, right?)...
For most of my life, I feel as if I've been Making Do. Getting By. Not asking for more because I've been so afraid that by doing so, that bare minimum I DO have would be snatched away. That the Universe would basically say "What are YOU complaining about, you selfish bitch?!?! Oh, you think you deserve more, do ya? Well, let's see how you do with LESS!"
Honestly, I think a big part of it is growing up an East Coast Jew. Truly. I don't mean to denigrate my people (or anyone else), but fear and guilt are a HUGE part of the culture. Add to that the Irish-Catholic guilt from my mom's side, and it's a wonder I didn't crumble into a pile of angst-ridden dust by the time I turned 18!
I spent many of my formative years (and beyond) gravitating toward people who treated me like crap, because I didn't know better. I let them blame me for all their sh*t because I thought I WAS to blame. I had ZERO self-confidence and esteem.
But I deserve better. I deserve MORE. And so does my family.
AND SO DO WE ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was listening to the news on BBC radio, and they were talking about Israel and Palestine. And I FINALLY sat up and wondered WHY DO WE PUT UP WITH THIS?!?!?!?! Why do we EXPECT and ALLOW our world leaders to act like 6 year-olds?!?!?! "They started it!" "Nuh-uh! THEY started it!" "Did not!" "Did too!"
Except these 6 year-old have weapons, and they're killing people!
What's worse, we not only accept and expect, we seem to WANT them to behave this way. The more childish the behavior, the higher the approval ratings.
Are we masochistic, or just brainwashed?
One of the ways I've been trying to practice non-attachment is by not commenting on things I see on Facebook. Well, as much as I can restrain myself, anyway. And to remember that I have no power over anyone else, (nor should I!
I can disagree without hate. I can have empathy with those I don't necessarily understand. And the best part? I don't HAVE to have empathy. I don't HAVE to love my "enemy." I can choose to ignore them, and not give them a place in my thoughts or, indeed, my life.
On a more personal level, it's NOT selfish of me to want more than the bare minimum. It's OK to want to do more than Get By. It's OK to want MY DREAMS to come true!
I have worked long and hard for them. It's about time they started paying attention to ME.
Ya here THAT, Universe? "I will not let thee go but that thou bless me!"
I DESERVE blessings. I deserve to live outside the Box O' Fear. I deserve!
And so do you.
Blessed be, all!