Monday, March 1, 2010


In order to help me ease up on my meds, I'm actually taking MORE at the moment!  I've been switched to a liquid concentrated version of the Sertraline (Zoloft).  (Note: when given a liquid form of medication, ALWAYS read the instructions! 'Cause your pharmacist might not tell you that it's supposed to be mixed in with other liquids and not taken straight, and you may find yourself burning your esophagus and your tastebuds practically off your tongue!) I'm also on a low dose of Wellbutrin for 30 days.  Which is having some interesting effects. Insomnia, for one (which is why I'm up writing this at 3:30 in the morning), as well as, um, constipation and some anxiety.  Well, slightly HIGHER levels of anxiety than I normally have.  Which is why he also gave me a few Lorazapam (about 20), which I have yet to take. I MIGHT try it tomorrow night, if I'm still feeling anxious.  But the funny thing is, I get anxious about taking an anti-anxiety drug.  Especially since I'm already taking 2 separate medications already.  Yes, it's all short-term, but I'm anxious and Jewish; I can't help but worry.
Of course, it doesn't help that I am and always have been a drama queen, that WG has been melting down all weekend (she has a loose tooth; I think it might be bothering her, poor thing!), that Hubby had to work all weekend and I took care of the kids, and the dog has fleas.  (Not for long: I sicced some Frontline on their tiny little a**es!  The liquid form, not the PBS news show.)
Let me address the first one.  Yes, I'm a drama queen.  I'm sure THAT comes as a huge shock! I have a wee tendency to take a comment or situation and blow it up out of all proportion. To imagine all sorts of slights and ills directed my way.  Hubby's tired and quiet in the morning?  He must be angry at me!  For some silly little thing, no doubt!  Oh, like maybe the eggs weren't good enough?!?!  Well excuuuuse me, but I'm a little busy here, trying to get breakfast ready for ALL of us, AND get the kids' lunches packed, AND get out of the house in time so the kids won't be late for school, plus I have meetings with their teachers, have to take the kids to their therapy later, AND I'm teaching tonight, so SORRY if the eggs are less than perfect! YEESH!
Then, when I actually stop and ASK HIM if something is wrong, he says "No, Honey.  I'm just trying to wake up.  Need a little more coffee.  Are you OK?" I'll ask if he's mad at me, and he'll say "Of course not! Why would I be?" And he's GENUINELY curious!
Let me tell ya, that is HELL on my righteous indignation!
Especially since he got up before I did, got the kids dressed and ready, started breakfast for them, and actually made himself some oatmeal.  No eggs were even involved!
Maybe I SHOULD start acting again.  At least that way I could save it for the stage!

My brain is a bizarre place, let me tell ya.  I sometimes think that if someone sane and stable (like Hubby, for example) could spend a week as me, with my thoughts and feelings, they'd understand me more.  Or run screaming from me, as fast and as far away as possible.
There is a constant commentary going on in my head.  I believe I once referred to it as something like the Nosy nattering chipmunks that live in my brain.  (I tried to find the post, but couldn't.  I'm actually thinking of heading back to bed soon.  Wish me luck!) I personalize EVERYTHING!!!! If someone cuts me off on the freeway, oooh, Road Rage!  How DARE they?!?!?! What did I ever do to THEM?!?!?!  I try to tell myself that it's, HELLO!, so NOT about me, and that karma (or in this case, CARma) will eventually catch up with  them.  But then there's that whole thing I wrote about in the previous post, about not being a Zen master.  In fact, if there's an opposite of Zen master, that's be me.
Especially on the freeway.

OK, I must be tired, 'cause I'm going off on tangents here. I'm gonna head back upstairs and try to catch 2 more hours of sleep, until it's time to wake up again and start a brand new week.  And a brand new month! Just think, Spring starts in a couple of weeks!

(BTW, did anyone watch the closing ceremonies of the Olympics?  Is it just me, or were they kinda silly?  Although I liked the inflatable moose and [snortgiggle] beavers.)


azusmom said...

And I also liked the beginning, when they made fun of the 4th leg of the torch not rising during the opening ceremony.

Charlotte said...

Wellbutrin made my anxiety really spike too! Good luck with the liquid zoloft - I hope the weaning process gets easier!

And I'm so with you in Drama Queen land. Oh yeah!

azusmom said...

Once I started putting the Zoloft in my Trop 50 it's MUCH more palatable, lol!

Maybe we should make Drama Queen crowns?!?!