Monday, September 7, 2009

Confession Time!

Yes, I have a confession to make.
I HATE football!
I hate watching it, hearing about it, the glorification of it, the exploitation of the young men who play it, the players who think they're G-d, the damage it does to the bodies of the players, and the pseudo-macho baloney that surrounds the game. I even hate fantasy football.
I hate the cheerleader mentality. The scantily-clad women prancing around half-naked on a freezing cold field for the "entertainment" of the drunken guys in the crowd, many of whom are also half-naked, but feeling no pain because they're plastered.
I HATE how long it takes to play a single freakin' game! Thank heavens the Super Bowl is only one game, rather than a series!
And I REALLY hate the whole high school football-as-religion thing. Quarterbacks are gods, cheerleaders are goddesses, and anyone who doesn't worship at the altar must be punished. I was lucky, my high school football team wasn't that great. Our school excelled in track and field and womens' field hockey. The only real football hoopla was the big game on Thanksgiving, when we played our arch-rival. The day before we'd have our one pep rally of the year. And it was actually fun: we got out of classes early and got to see the football team in cheerleading outfits! (It was tradition. I'm not entirely sure how it started.) Later, the football team would play the powderpuff (girls') football team in what was SUPPOSED to be a tag ball.
But the ladies didn't buy into that!
I've been pretending, for as long as I can remember, that I actually care. That I LIKE football. That it MATTERS to me who wins. But the truth is, I just don't. Care, that is. Sure, I like the superbowl parties, as long as I don't have to pay too much attention to the game. (Last year I read a copy of "Entertainment Weekly" during the game, in which I discovered that the president is a fan of "Spongebob Squarepants." I KNEW I liked Obama!!!!!)
Now baseball, THERE'S a game I can get behind! Sure, it takes a long time, and it moves slowly, but there's NOTHING like being at the stadium on a summer night watching your team beat the tight pants off the visiting team! Plus, you can actually TALK to the people you're at the game with, as opposed to a noisy football stadium.
Look, I understand that football, whether at the high school, college, or professional level, is an obsession for many. They enjoy it. they arrive at the stadium hours before the game and tailgate (which actually sounds like a lot of fun), and that's great. Enjoy! (And, after all, since I'm not buying a ticket, there's one more for you, right?)
Just, please, don't ask me to join you. Don't buy an extra ticket for me, even though I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the gesture. I've never been to an NFL or college game, and I only went to (part of) one high school game. It's not on my bucket list.
Hubby is a RABID Raiders fan (really, is there any other kind?), and I love his enthusiasm. I just don't share it. I'll root for the Raiders for his sake, but I won't watch the game. I'll suffer through the seemingly-constant noise every Sunday and Monday (night) for the next few months. The yelling (and occasional swearing) at the TV, the endless coverage on ESPN, and the complete and uttter lack of "Baseball Tonight" on same. Then, come March, I will turn on the TV and see (cue heavenly music) footage of BASEBALL SPRING TRAINING!!!!!!! And I will know that spring is coming, and the boys of summer will soon be back!!!!!!


neversaydiet said...

"I've been pretending, for as long as I can remember, that I actually care. That I LIKE football. That it MATTERS to me who wins. But the truth is, I just don't. Care, that is."

I am copying this and sending to my husband. Well said, darling. I am TOTALLY the girl reading EW or Maxim at Superbowl parties, which I attend for the food and the commercials. We are kindred spirits.

Charlotte said...

Me too. ME TOO. Hate football. I don't even bother pretending any interest in it and the hubby doesn't seem to care. We bond over other things;)

azusmom said...

Yes, we are!!!!!

Crabby McSlacker said...

Too funny!

I hate a lot of the same things about it the game, though I do have a soft spot for the 49'ers. But I only watch them when they don't suck and have a chance of making the playoffs... which has meant years and years of not having to watch football at all.

Oh, and our high school had the boys in cheerleader outfits and the powderpuff game too! Loved that tradition.

azusmom said...

SO GLAD to know I'm not the only one!!!!!!