Sunday, August 30, 2009

Like the Dinosaur in "Toy Story"

LG was watching one of his favorite movies the other day, and it got to the scene where Woody is being threatened by the other toys for "accidentally" pushing Buzz out the window. Woody asks the dinosaur if he believes it was an accident, earning a glare from Mr. Potato head. The dinosaur eventually says "I don't do well with conflict!
I know EXACTLY how he feels.
I've never been good at conflict, either. Growing up, I was often the peacemaker in my circle of friends. I would leave the family room at precisely 7:30 every night, because my mother would turn on CNN and watch "Crossfire," and I just couldn't take it! (I always thought they should have sat at a bigger table; I was convinced that Pat Buchanan was gonna snap, grab Michael Kinsley's tie and try to strangle him with it.) Heck, I can't even watch basketball, it makes me too nervous! I was always intimidated by people who had very strong opinions, and refused to take part in discussions with them. Sometimes, that was just the wiser course to take. I wasn't gonna change their minds, and arguing would only raise our blood pressure.
So you can imagine how I reacted, just a few moments ago, when I received an angry email from my boss telling me, basically, to get my act together when it comes to payroll because she wasn't gonna waste time looking things up in the computer anymore. And I TOTALLY get it, it's part of my job, she'd responsible for paying the ENTIRE staff, and she doesn't have time to look up every little discrepancy. And I sent her a nice, even-keeled, apologetic (but not TOO apologetic!) email back.
But now I'm having a minor freak-out. Like, I'm shaking. Partly because I HATE being dressed down like that, but also because the payroll system has been changed AGAIN. This is the 4th or 5th change in the past year. I work at 3 different places, with 3 different payroll and scheduling systems, all of which keep changing, and I get a little confused! I understand it makes perfect sense to the people who implement it, but it doesn't make perfect sense to ALL of us. And every time, it seems like there's something to add, or to change, or something I needed to do that I didn't do because I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT!
She's not a bad boss; quite the opposite. And I know she's overwhelmed running not only this entire gym, but also another brand-new one. But I'm also trying to implement all the changes that keep happening, not only at this facility, but at the other two. AND raise 2 kids with special needs. None of this is her problem, I know. But many of the mistakes made have not been mine, and I'm getting a little tired of getting phone messages and emails detailing all the things I've done "wrong."
And, OF COURSE, this comes at a time when I'm premenstrual, coming off a rough weekend, and trying to get myself and the family back into the swing of the school year.
Sometimes it feels like I'm bearing the brunt of a whole lotta responsibility by myself, and it's overwhelming. I will NOT be taken for granted again, and I refuse to be guilted into taking everything on by myself, or being an afterthought. Or letting people assume that they can do whatever, because good ol' Alyssa will be there to watch the kids/clean up/take of of whom or whatever needs taking care of.


Charlotte said...

I'm totally the same way! Shaking and everything... It sounds like you are handling it the right way though (i.e. not getting defensive or overly self condemning). Plus talking it (or writing it!) out usually helps me feel better. (hugs!)

azusmom said...

Yeah, writing it down helps. But you know what helps more? Long-distance support and hugs! Thank you!!!!!!

Crabby McSlacker said...

How frustrating!

I'd be upset too as I HATE to be dressed down about anything. Sounds like you're willing to take responsibility for your part, but she's blaming you for things you can't control! That would make me mad. Grrrr.

Hope it gets better and they stop changing the system on you all the time!

azusmom said...

Things are MUCH better, thank you!!!!!