Saturday, May 30, 2009

Too Much Caffeine

It's 2 AM and I'm awake. I had a VERY strong latte about 14 hours ago, and I cannot sleep. (Usually I conk out by 10:00, 11:00 at the very latest.)
But it could also be hormones. That time of the month.
Or the fact that I ate too much pizza at dinner and am now paying the price.
I mean, seriously, I KNOW I'm gonna feel like crap if I eat too much, but I do it anyway. Over and over again. Almost daily.
And then I wonder why I keep putting on weight.
For two days, before yesterday, I DIDN'T overeat. And I felt GREAT!!!! But today, well, I guess it was just a bunch of things. Including my love of pizza. But also just general exhaustion (see post regarding the 3-day weekend). I also taught 6 Pilates classes, took the kids to the park 4 times, walked with kids and dog often, barely slept all week, and we are going through Elmo withdrawal.
Yes, LG's teachers have asked us to get rid of Elmo. Because LG has become obsessed. he quotes "Elmo's World" by heart, plays with his Elmo plush toy (but not at school, 'cause we don't let him bring Elmo to school), and generally cannot focus on anything else. So the other day we hid Elmo, as well as all the DVDs, and have forbidden LG access to YouTube (which he figured out how to get to on his own). Then yesterday he found Elmo, and we had to hide him again. This time in a place where LG cannot find him. So he cried and cried, and kept asking for Elmo, and looking for him, and saying "Elmo, where are you?" and it was just so freaking hearbreaking!
So I took him out on a walk, and we fed the ducks and geese. He was feeling better, but as soon as we got home he began asking for Elmo again and crying.
When WG first started Occupational Therapy (at 18 months old), her therapist told us about perseverating: kids with autism will very often focus on a single toy, object, or even movie or TV show. We'd never seen it, with either of them, at the level we've seen it recently with Elmo. It was kinda scary, because he's almost 8, and he's NEVER done this before.
I know he will eventually get over it. But it breaks my heart and worries me at the same time. I try not to think too far ahead into the future, because that way madness lies. But I do worry about what will happen to them when they are grown, when Hubby and I are no longer around to take care of them. Will they grow to be self-sufficient adults? I believe they will. But I don't know for sure. And who knows? Maybe by then we will have discovered a cure, or at least a way to manage it, the way we manage Diabetes.
In the meantime, they are sweet, loving, (mostly) happy kids. They are loved. They make us laugh. They let their opinions be known, even if they can't speak very well (or at all). I feel very lucky and blessed to be their mom.
But I would REALLY like to get some sleep!

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