Another post has gone AWOL, after it was supposedly posted successfully!!!!!! It was a good one, too. Full of compliments for my 8 readers! Grrrrrr!
I'll have to try and re-post later.
I think I'm a little depressed. Not about the disappearing posts (that's more of an annoyance), but because of the situation with my dad. When I left Boston, I felt calm and at peace, because I really believed I'd found (and I usually hate this word) closure. He's comfortable, he's not in pain, and he's surrounded by family and friends.
But in the past few days I've found myself eating more than usual, feeling completely exhausted all the time, short-tempered, and completely uninterested in, well, intimacy.
Part of it is PMS, but it's more. I can feel it.
Part of me feels torn: my kids need me here, and I need to work, but my mother is 3,000 miles away and slowly falling apart. My brother is taking care of EVERYTHING, and I'm not there to help. They totally understand, but it still feels icky.
He was moved to the hospice yesterday, and showed a bit of improvement. They're not sure if it's the steroids kicking in, or if it's one last hurrah before he goes completely downhill. My mom, I know, is really hoping for the former, and it just kills me that she may be filled with false hope.
This whole situation just fucking sucks.
4 comments:
i can't imagine you NOT being a little depressed (or more than a little) over the situation - it's your family, your dad, and everyone is scared. PMS is most definitely not gonna help, so let's hope that passes soon. I hope you have people to lean on and talk to - this is the time to really rely on your friends for help and listening.
You are doing your best and you are doing good, babe.
Thanks, Leslie! You rock.
Thinking of you. I'm here in MA if you need anything - a drink, perhaps?
Thank you!!!!!! I'm back in CA for now, but when I go back to MA, I may just take you up on that!
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