I was struck with a sudden urge to bake last night. After taking care of the kids all day, cleaning the house (yes, I did it! Except for the closet. Ahem.), cooking two different dinners (one for me and the kids, the other for hubby for when he got home from school), and doing the dishes.
Which meant I had... Stuff To Think About.
On Wednesday I subbed a pilates class. Nothing new there, I've been doing a lot of that. But this time I was subbing for our wonderful master teacher. She is going to be a grandmother (of twins!) soon (which you really wouldn't think, to look at her), and she's trying to free up some time in her schedule. So, unbeknownst to me, the subbing was a bit of an experiment (Charlotte will be so proud, lol!) to see if I could take the class over.
I showed up early so I could relax in the cafe with some water. I was still recovering, so my equilibrium was off, and I was a bit tired. But happy!
There was a mix-up, however, with the scheduling. We were supposed to be in the main studio, on the first floor, which meant that the reformers had to be brought down from the yoga studio on the 3rd floor, in which there was a yoga class schedules. But, alas, there were no reformers to be see. So, after 15 minutes of running up and down the stairs and a bunch of folks meeting to figure out what was going on, it was decided that the two classes would switch places.
Eventually we settled in and started the class. I decided to teach off the reformer, walking around the room and checking the clients' form. I was a little warm, and tripped over my words here and there, but, overall, I think I taught a pretty solid class. (One of the clients gave me a nice compliment afterwards, which was great to hear!)
Later that afternoon, the gym offered me the class permanently. Whooohoo!
Then came yesterday. And A VERY angry (and long!) email from one of the clients who had been in the class. The email wasn't sent to me, but to my supervisor (who is a WONDERFUL teacher, mentor, and administrator). She was my first-ever pilates teacher, the one who convinced me to try teaching, and is a good friend.
Apparently, this client is through with pilates at this gym. She was angry that there was a sub, a sub who was obviously not as experienced as the regular instructor (um, who has been teaching for 3o years! Sorry, I didn't start teaching when I was 9!!!!), the mix-up with the rooms, and the (ahem) QUALITY of the class. Harumph.
So, instead of teaching the new class 2 days a week, I'll be teaching it 1 day a week. Which is fine. And I'll be doing in-depth with my supervisor ( and a couple other new instructors) on the reformer, which is AWESOME, and exactly what I need! And she's not charging us a cent! But it does kinda suck that one incident of negative feedback put her in the position of having to defend me to her bosses. And now I have to prove myself, even though I've been teaching there for a few months now. Never mind that my other clients have been very positive. But I guess that just comes with the territory when replacing a much-loved (and deservedly so) instructor. Add I HATE that it has put my friend on the spot! She's put her confidence in me, and I kinda feel like I let her down. Not that she has even indicated that to me (she apologized for what happened!!!!), but still.
All in all, it's a positive thing. I'll be getting great training, with her and in some upcoming workshops, and all will be well.
But I'm teaching a class this morning, with some new clients, and I must say I'm nervous about it. ("Please like me! Prettypleaseprettypleaseprettyplease?!?!?!?!") And feeling a little down about the whole thing. Hence the baking. Helps me think. Calms me down. And my family now has cupcakes.
I also noticed the plethora of negative thoughts about my body, last night and this morning. 'Cause it's easier than dealing with all my feelings of inadequacy when it comes to teaching, right? Or the fact that it brings up all the negative feelings I had about myself when I was acting? Or dealing with my grieving mother, my dad in limbo, my brother and his family in Houston dealing with the aftermath of Ike, etc.
So, I've decided to just FEEL that damn feelings, already! Better than stuffing those cupcakes down my throat!
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6 comments:
Sorry you have so much going on right now. Great that you will get to expand your Pilates teaching position at the gym. :>)
A counselor once told me that it's okay to "feel those feelings," that they shouldn't be ignored. When I'm down or sad about something, I remember that it's OK to "feel" and then I move on. For me that's the healthiest way to be.
Good luck to you this week.
Thanks, Conny! And I totally agree; feeling them is the best way to deal with them.
Take care!
So sorry to hear that one whiner, who probably would have disliked whoever subbed for her favorite teacher, could have so much influence!
It's great that you can deal with rough days, and unresolved emotional stuff generally, by allowing yourself feelings rather than trying to smother them with cupcakes!
Oh Alyssa! That sounds soooo frustrating. There is nothing worse, as a teacher, than criticism that you can't rebut. It sounds though like both you and your supervisor have a good attitude about it and are taking it in stride. ((((hugs)))) I hope it gets easier soon! You'll build up your own core (hee!) following in no time!
Charlotte, I LOVE puns!!!!!!
Thanks for listening to me (reading my?) bleating and moaning!
Hope you are doing better by now!
Illegitimi Non Carborundum!
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