Yesterday I read a blog post by Karen Koenig, a therapist who deals with eating disorders. She's written a couple of great books: "The Rules of 'Normal' Eating" and "The Food and Feelings Workbook."
Anyway, she wrote about working with a client who was desperate to lose 9 more pounds and reach the goal she'd set for herself. It had become an obsession, especially as she'd already lost some weight, and those last 9 pounds were not budging. Finally, Karen asked her how her life would change once those pounds were gone. She asked very specific questions; would her marriage be better? Her relationships with her kids? Her job? Would her friends like her more (or less) if she lost the pounds?
It made me think A LOT about myself. I remember being in L.A. that last summer (2 years ago, before we moved) and feeling so self-conscious every time I stepped outside, because MY STOMACH WASN'T FLAT. Feeling like a horrible person. A failure.
I've had that feeling a lot, in my life. Just the other day, when I went shopping for some workout clothes (for my job as a pilates teacher...just thought I'd throw that in AGAIN ! Especially since I'll be teaching another class in June...whoo-hoo! {pats self on back, hurting her arm in the process}), I was feeling a bit bloated. And ashamed. 'Cause, y'know, we have SO MUCH control over our bodily functions that time of the month!
I was getting down on myself for having gained 12 pounds since moving here. And this post really made me stop and think. 12 pounds. Is that really worth torturing myself over? It may seem like a lot, but I'm sill healthy. In fact, I'm in the best shape of my life. I've never been stronger, more flexible, or had more endurance. And I've certainly never been HAPPIER than I am now! I FEEL GREAT and, ultimately, isn't that more important than having a flat stomach?
I think back to when I was at my lowest weight. I was MISERABLE. Under-eating, over-exercising, still believing I was too fat, desperate for approval, angry, tired, sad, and anxious. Would I want to be there again? Absolutely not! If I had to choose between being the weight I'm at now, but happy, and being thinner but miserable? Hands down, I'd choose this weight and happiness.
But I didn't always think that way. I believed being thinner would make me happier. More loved. More approved of. But it doesn't. (And if there are folks who approved more of the thinner me, they can go stuff it.)
So. These 12 pounds. Or 20 or 30, or whatever I beat myself up over?
SO not worth it!
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6 comments:
Great post, Alyssa! It's funny - rationally I know that thin does not correlate with happiness in my life. Never has, probably never will. And yet it is still so important to me, sadly. Still working on getting over that. Yay, therapy!
PS> My son is getting tested for autism on Friday... thought of you.
Yes, therapy is key!
Which of your sons is being tested? Please let me know what I can do. If you need info, or help with anything, just drop me a line, OK?
It's my middle child - he's 4. I may be in denial but I really don't think he's autistic. He's a lot of things, that one, but autistic? I dunno. Anyhow, I'd love to chat more about it with you but I don't have your e-mail addy! Drop me a line (mine's on my site right under my pic). Thanks!
this is a beautiful post that so many women need to read. That expert is a smart, smart woman. In our society, tummy pooch/cellulite/etc sadly ARE equivalent to a personality flaw in the eyes of many. The thing is, anyone who truly, deep down believes that isn't worth our time. Next time I feel bad about my butt, I'm going to make myself think back to this post. My husband loves me, work is great...WTF should it matter if my butt is jiggling. More fun for those around me!
Amen!!!!!!
Great post!
Happiness and waist size have little to do with each other, yet so many people obsess about the numbers on the scale or the size of their jeans.
Losing weight to feel fit and healthy is one thing, but I think a lot of people sacrifice peace of mind for a goal that doesn't make much objective sense.
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