Makes Me Think

Yesterday I read a blog post by Karen Koenig, a therapist who deals with eating disorders. She's written a couple of great books: "The Rules of 'Normal' Eating" and "The Food and Feelings Workbook."
Anyway, she wrote about working with a client who was desperate to lose 9 more pounds and reach the goal she'd set for herself. It had become an obsession, especially as she'd already lost some weight, and those last 9 pounds were not budging. Finally, Karen asked her how her life would change once those pounds were gone. She asked very specific questions; would her marriage be better? Her relationships with her kids? Her job? Would her friends like her more (or less) if she lost the pounds?
It made me think A LOT about myself. I remember being in L.A. that last summer (2 years ago, before we moved) and feeling so self-conscious every time I stepped outside, because MY STOMACH WASN'T FLAT. Feeling like a horrible person. A failure.
I've had that feeling a lot, in my life. Just the other day, when I went shopping for some workout clothes (for my job as a pilates teacher...just thought I'd throw that in AGAIN ! Especially since I'll be teaching another class in June...whoo-hoo! {pats self on back, hurting her arm in the process}), I was feeling a bit bloated. And ashamed. 'Cause, y'know, we have SO MUCH control over our bodily functions that time of the month!
I was getting down on myself for having gained 12 pounds since moving here. And this post really made me stop and think. 12 pounds. Is that really worth torturing myself over? It may seem like a lot, but I'm sill healthy. In fact, I'm in the best shape of my life. I've never been stronger, more flexible, or had more endurance. And I've certainly never been HAPPIER than I am now! I FEEL GREAT and, ultimately, isn't that more important than having a flat stomach?
I think back to when I was at my lowest weight. I was MISERABLE. Under-eating, over-exercising, still believing I was too fat, desperate for approval, angry, tired, sad, and anxious. Would I want to be there again? Absolutely not! If I had to choose between being the weight I'm at now, but happy, and being thinner but miserable? Hands down, I'd choose this weight and happiness.
But I didn't always think that way. I believed being thinner would make me happier. More loved. More approved of. But it doesn't. (And if there are folks who approved more of the thinner me, they can go stuff it.)
So. These 12 pounds. Or 20 or 30, or whatever I beat myself up over?
SO not worth it!

Complaints Dept.

It's hot. I'm bloated. It's That Time Of The Month. My 4 year-old is cranky. A woman gave me crap yesterday for letting my dog pee on the grass in a public area (Ummm, where else should my dog pee? She's too short to reach the toilet!) I gave serious consideration to following her home and letting my dog give her some literal crap, right on her doorstep.
But, seriously, it's REALLY hot! Like, triple digits, in some areas. 90's here. Hello?!?!?! A few days ago I was wearing my thick sweatshirt! This is like L.A. hot! This is why we moved OUT of L.A! OK, well, one of MANY reasons, but still!
And we don't have air conditioning because we don't need it here. BECAUSE IT DOESN'T GET THIS HOT!!!!!!!
Oh, and I had to give my 4 year old TWO baths yesterday, because she kept dumping milk all over herself. Which is new. Usually she DRINKS it. Then, she stuck her hands in the chow mein my son was trying to eat and SMEARED IT ON THE FLOOR! 'Cause it was fun!
And, of course, my husband was at work.
Anyway. It's a new day. Wed have ceiling fans. One of the best inventions ever. My son has been making some wonderful drawings. My daughter was in a good mood as she left for school. My husband just volunteered to pick our son up from school. Life is good!

I Have Seen Equinox, And It Is Good

Yesterday, at 2 o'clock in the afternoon, I got The Call. OK, it was a call from Equinox asking if I could sub a class there at 4. So, after a quick schedule check, I told them I could.
I'd never taught there. Actually, I'd never set foot in the place, even though it has a cafe and a pro shop that are both open to the public. It's just that it's such an expensive place I was afraid I'd lose money just by walking through the door.
But yesterday I was not a member, I was a teacher. In their GORGEOUS yoga/pilates studio. When I walked in, the reformers were already set up! All I had to do was grab a few rings and put on some music! Then, when the class was over, a very nice man came back and put all the reformers away!!!! I didn't have to lift a finger! It was SOOOOO nice.
Then I snooped around a bit. There's an outdoor pool on the roof. There's a spa. A spinning room. 3 floors of STUFF. And one of the guys who works in the cafe wears the same blue "Autism Awareness " wristband as I do. (I didn't get a chance to talk to him, however, as the cafe was very busy. Next time.) And, right there, on the handwritten schedule on the wall by the front desk, was my name. Written in big, chalky letters, and even spelled correctly!
Everyone was very nice, and they played cool music.

So, my evil plan is working; instead of lamenting the fact that I can't afford the fancy-schmancy gyms, I'll get jobs at them.
MWAHAHAHAHA!

Who Knew?

Yesterday (and a belated Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there!) I went for an interview at Gold's Gym. There are two near me, and my former pilates teacher/mentor teaches at both. Since I'm going to be subbing a couple of classes for her at both locations, I needed to meet with her boss and fill out paperwork. They've also just opened a brand new studio at the location we met at, and it is GORGEOUS!!!!! I will also be teaching once they add more classes, schedule permitting.
The entire gym is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! There's one studio for group exercise, another for Spinning, and the aforementioned pilates/yoga studio. The main room has all the cardio equipment, free weights, and weight machines. Plus track lighting, dimmers, an awesome sound system, and really nice employees.
No, I'm not advertising for Gold's. I'm just amazed, because my previous experiences with Gold's was about 9 years ago, in Venice, CA. Yes, the original. And also in Burbank. Let's just say that the interior design was more cave-dweller than HGTV. Not that there's anything wrong with that! But it was a little intimidating back then, for the rollerblading, yoga-doing, 3 pound weight-lifting chick I was back then. OK, OK, I also did Krav-Maga (Israeli martial arts), but the instructors there were very nice.
What I'm trying to say, is that I was very impressed. I have no decorating skills (thank goodness for Ikea!) and am always blown away by those who do have them. If I could afford it, I'd bring an interior decorator in to re-do our home. (The closest we've ever gotten to that was an episode of "Design On A Dime. " But that was because the executive producer/creator of the show is a friend of ours, and our episode was the first one they ever did. And it was WAY COOL! Unfortunately, we've since moved. Twice.)
Anyway, they also gave me a free 1-week pass. I am SO there!

I'm Committed! (Or Maybe I Should Be)

Today I signed up for the LiveStrong Challenge in San Jose. I've signed up to do the 10 mile bike ride. I know, it's not much, but I've committed to it, and now I must do it, and that always makes me nervous! (Commitment issues, much?)
Part of the reason I'm doing this is that my father recently (and successfully) battled melanoma, my mother is going in for a lumpectomy next week, and my grandmother died from cancer, as did my brother-in-law's dad.
The other part is that I'm in a new place. I started Intuitive Eating a year ago, and I've stuck with it. I set out to get certified to teach pilates, and I'm teaching it. I'm letting go of the things that drag me down, and keeping the ones that add to my life. It has made me a better person, a much better wife, and definitely a better mom!
I don't have to do it perfectly, I just have to do it.

Wow. What a concept!

My Daughter Loves My Tummy

Today I was playing around with my hubby's stomach. He'd taken off his sweatshirt, and his tee came up a bit and showed off his sculpted abs (he's one of those people who retains muscle but loses fat very quickly. Grrr...)

So I was giving him raspberries, like we do with the kids. Then I lifted up my shirt to show off my VERY white, mushy, stretch-marked stomach (which has actually gotten more taught and a bit smaller lately! Thank you, Pilates!) and my daughter came over and very gently touched my stomach with her fingers, then her whole hand. She was studying it so intently, too. It was SO CUTE!!!!!!
Earlier, my son curled up with me and put his head on my tummy. My whole being just kinda melted.

And, hey, if they like it, then I can't complain about it anymore!

Fantasy Fulfilled!!!!

No, not THAT kind of fantasy, unfortunately! (The one with the scantily-clad pool boys catering to my every whim; washing the dishes, cleaning the house, babysiting the kids while I lounge by the pool...)

The other day I posted about Botoxed scary women. I'm sorry to say I don't recall much about the ad except it was for some kind of eye product thingy. I only pay close attention to commercials that are funny, feature someone we know, or feature someone we like (Meatloaf and Son plus Tiffany? LOVE IT! Superbowl ads from this year? Not so much.)

Charlotte, I missed that Radar cover. But maybe now that she's pregnant we'll get to see what she actually looks like, without the Botox! (She seems like a nice woman, and I'm a HUGE Keith Urban fan, so I wish her well. And away from the chemicals.)

Audrey, WELCOME! Yeah, reality TV has more regular-looking folks. Some of them are a little nuts, but hey! It's so entertaining,lol!

Anyway, the fantasy I'm talking about is actually twofold: seeing someone who kinda looks like me on TV and, not only that, on MY FAVORITE SHOW EVER! "Dr. Who." (I'd attach a photo, but, um, I don't know how.) The show started in 1963, ran for 25 years, then was cancelled. In 2005, it was back on the air, brand new (with MUCH better special effects!). When I was a kid, I used to imagine that I was The Doctor's companion, travelling through time and space and fighting the forces of evil.

So, there's a woman on the show now named Catherine Tate. She's quite well known in England. She had a sketch show, kind of like Tracy Ullman. Now she's on the show, and she looks like a very attractive, very real person! (She and I have a similar body shape. Y'know, tummy and boobs. ) The way I see it, If I can't be on the show myself, at least I see someone kinda sorta like me on the show.
Self absorbed? YUP!

But she's so FUNNY, and so talented, and she's NOT a 19 year-old size zero!

So, if I were still acting, all I would have to do is be confident in myself and play to my strengths.

And move to England.

(P.S., Leslie, if you're reading this, I hope I didn't offend you with my response to your last post! Sometimes my humor goes over the line, and I apologize if I was offensive!)

Attack of the Clones

I just saw another commercial with one of...THEM!
No, not the giant ants from that 1950's film (adapted brilliantly for the stage by one of the acting instructors at UC San Diego 10 years ago, BTW).

No, these creatures are far, far worse; they are the botoxed, stepford-esque, utterly expressionless actresses who have taken over Hollywood. They talk like us, kind of look like us, but their faces DON'T MOVE! EVER! Even when they are trying to show emotion! The only part of their faces that DOES move are the lips.

Barely.

We used to joke that if producers could find a way to make movies and tv shows without actors, they'd do it in a heartbeat. Now, I'm starting to think that actors have been replaced by robots.

Call me crazy, but last time I checked, actors were supposed to convey emotion. ESPECIALLY on camera, with all those pesky close-ups. Why freeze your face? Oh, right. To get rid of wrinkles. Heaven forbid we see a person who looks like a, well, PERSON on our screens. So they've been replaced, but ulta-skinny, expressionless droids. Pod people.

Clones.

Don't go to sleep. You just might wake up as one of THEM.