Thursday, May 30, 2013

Thank You, and (Another) Discovery

First of all, a HUUUUUUUGE "Merci" for the responses to my last post!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot express my gratitude for your support! Sometimes I forget how blessed I am, and having you guys in my life, even though we've never met in person, is not only a reminder of that, but one of the blessings.

The other night I had a dream that Hubby and I were screaming at each other.  We never do that in real life, but the sense of frustration at not being heard was so huge.  Then when I woke up I remembered the theory that everyone and everything in our dreams represents an aspect of ourselves.
So, in essence, there is, and has been, a part of me that has been screaming at other parts of me, and not being heard. For a very long time.


And I'm finally ready to listen.

Emotions are kinda like kids: If you ignore them, they're just gonna keep getting louder and behaving worse until you give them the attention they need.  Have I said this before?  Because it's true.
It's better to take some time, put your arms around them, and listen.To treat ourselves the way we treat our kids.  (Unless you treat your kids like crap, but that's a WHOLE other issue!)

I think back, again, to the time I was 9, 10, and 11 years old.  When I had constant stomach aches, and was given test after test after test to figure out what was wrong..  Except that nothing was physically wrong; I was anxious.  And it breaks my heart to imagine my kids (WG is 9 and LG is 11) feeling ANYTHING close to what I felt during those 3 years.  It got to the point where I LITERALLY couldn't bear the thought of getting out of bed & going to school. It kinda breaks my heart to remember feeling that way at such a young age. And I wonder why no one recognized it.  It was, after all, in the late 70's/early 80's, the days not long after EST and scream therapy and Being In Touch With Your Feelings. But my parents, and my pediatrican, were from an earlier generation, and there was still a stigma attached to anything therapy-esque.  Even though my dad had developed an ulcer by the time he was 23, he scoffed at relaxation techniques.  And because I needed his approval so much, I hid the fact that I did yoga and meditation in grad school. In my 20's.
Because we all learn from our environment, and we all do our best.  My parents weren't happy that I was "sick" all the time, and I'm sure they were frustrated at not being able to fix it.  Just as I can't shadow my kids everywhere and make sure no one ever makes fun of them or does anything to hurt them.

So I guess I need to do a little re-parenting of myself, as well.

Finally, my tennis elbow has returned.
It's REALLY ironic, given my history with tennis.  Which I'm sure I've written about. In short, despite my mother's best efforts (and considerable amount of time and money spent) to turn me into the next Tracy Austin (you'll probably have to google her, lol!), my inherent klutziness and utter lack of hand/eye coordination prevailed, leaving me with an appreciation for watching but absolute loathing for playing tennis.
And skiing.
And baseball, racketball, football, basketball, handball, ping pong, anything requiring a ball and/or skill.
Except kickball, dodgeball, and tetherball.
Those were fun!  And my long arms & legs helped there.

Anyway, it means I've had to forgo yoga and weights for most of the week.  I'm doing some Ballet Beautiful and LOTS of walking.

Oh, and Saturday is Ride A Wave!!!!!!!!  When the kids get to go to the beach in Santa Cruz and surf, kayak, and boogie board with pros, all volunteers!!!!!!  It's WG's favorite day of the year, and it's supposed to get into the 90's this weekend, so it's perfect for the beach.
It's always an amazing day.  :)

OK, have a great weekend, peeps!

1 comment:

Geosomin said...

Sounds like a great weekend! Enjoy :)