I've done it before, but there have always been reservations. This time there are none. Yes, my heart is pounding and my hands are shaking (and that second cup of coffee didn't help), but it's from excitement more than nerves.
I'm about to drop what is, for me, quite a bit of money on a new program. Not a diet or a workout, but involving one-on-one, group, and online support. It will incorporate non-dieting, EFT (Tapping), some nutrition (based on getting enough nutrients rather than what and what not to eat or how much). It will last 90 days plus a few days of prep on my own, using tools to help get me started.
I realize some of this sounds like BS. But to me, it makes sense. All of my healthy eating, exercising, cutting out sugar, etc. has resulted in zero weight loss.
Because I know, as I've known for some time, that the weight is a symptom, not a cause. Just like my anxiety and depression. It's as if everything else I've tried have been piecemeal fixes, and this is the full-on service. The difference between getting an oil change (necessary) and a full tune-up, which includes the oil change but also checks the transmission, rotates the tires, replaces the belts, tops off the fluids, AND cleans both the interior and exterior of the car.
I've spent 43 years on this planet not really knowing WHY I'm here. Listening to other people tell me who I SHOULD be and what I SHOULD do. But that's not it. No one else knows, and I refuse to be cast in supporting roles in other peoples' lives anymore. Surely there's a reason for my existence. Not just to go to work, pay the rent, lend an ear, and go to sleep. Nothing wrong or bad in any of that, but there's MORE. And while it's good and necessary to know where my issues come from, I need to be able to do something with all that information.
And just knowing there are other people who are in the same boat is reassuring, to say the least. For decades I have supported others in their dreams and goals. It's time to find my own. To step off these shifting sands, pick up some tools, and build a solid foundation for myself.
So, here I go.