Monday, October 15, 2012

Sometimes I Forget

That my main job, my full-time job, is being a mom.  Not that I forget I have kids, but that raising them is, in fact, a more-than-full-time job.  A recent study published in "Real Simple" magazine showed that if a stay-at-home-mom were considered a CEO and paid what she's worth, she'd earn $112,000/year.  She works an average of 94 hours a week (although I think that number is low, especially if she has kids with special needs).
Because my kids are now in school, I forget how much energy I expend taking care of them.  Because it's not just about taking care of them physically, it's also about shopping for/preparing food, doing laundry, meeting with their teachers, scheduling their doctor's/dentist's/therapy (for their autism) appointments, getting them to and from said appointments, keeping the house somewhat sanitary, etc  Along with working my 3 out-of-the-home jobs, trying to fit in my workouts, and maybe, some time for myself and with my husband.
It's making me wonder how much longer I can, and SHOULD, hang on to my Pilates classes.

When I was in my 20's (and before I was a mom) I worked multiple jobs in multiple cities.  It wasn't uncommon for me to teach a class, drive 2 hours, stay overnight, teach another class, drive another 2 hours back, do a performance, go home, wake up, and do it all again. There's no way I can do that anymore, lol!
And as much as I want to get back onstage, I have to wonder if, at this point, I have the energy for it.

I also wonder if I'm holding myself back:  Right now I'm teaching Pilates mainly for the paycheck.  It's not fair to my clients, and it's not fair to me. It's absolutely not fair to the kids.  Maybe, if I were to give it up entirely, other opportunities would arise in the field I want to focus on.  That's usually the way it works, I've found.
Plus, there's the simple fact that I am spreading myself too thin. I am plum exhausted, and I cannot continue on this road. (Plus I really shouldn't be THIS tired after 8 solid hours of sleep.) I want to have energy, at the end of the day, to hang out with my kids, and right now I just don't.  I'm shirking my most important responsibility, and that feels awful!
This weekend I spent A LOT of time with the kids, and they really responded to that!  It was amazing!  See, the thing is, even though they're not toddlers anymore, they still need me.  And I need time to be with them. When I wake up every Saturday morning grousing because I have to go teach, that's PROBABLY a sign that maybe I'm experiencing a little burnout.  It's also more time away from my kids, time when we could be riding bikes or going on the train or taking a walk. Time for the four of us, which is a rare commodity these days.

Time.  As Voice of the Beehive says, "Time is a distance that you can't retract by miles."  The kids are growing up so fast, and I don't want to miss it.
So perhaps it's TIME for me to let go of what's not working for us, and embrace what is.

1 comment:

Geosomin said...

Yes....take it easy if you can. I didn't realise how exhausted I'd made myself until I took time off to relax. Take time for you and the family. :)