I'm ending my relationship with Facebook. Or, as I prefer to call it, Timesuck. I seriously spend waaaaaaaay too much time there. And stuff that needs to get done falls by the wayside. I'm also a glutton for punishment, getting into political discussions with mean, nasty trolls, which I know will upset me, but I do it anyway. And, being the overly-sensitive type, I don't handle it well when people who say they are my friend, people I've known and liked for many years, loop me in with groups of people they hate and say nasty things about us. I know I'm not "supposed to" take it personally, but I do. And I always will. I try not to lump people into stereotypes, and I appreciate it when others do the same. Unfortunately that seems to be the exception rather than the rule.
*Sigh* I suppose I'm just a morally superior human being. :)
As The Doctor said to Rose, when she warned him not to leave the TARDIS because there were soldiers waiting outside who had guns:
"And I don't, which makes me the better person. They may shoot me dead, but the moral high ground is mine."
I'm debating whether I should first suspend it, or go ahead and just delete it. I have some things on my wall that I really like. We'll see. Either way, in the grand scheme of things, it's not THAT big of a deal. And I have a feeling I'll be a lot happier. Once I get over the withdrawal symptoms.
In other news, I've been a bit lax with my workouts the past few days. As in, over the past 5 days I've worked out a total of once. And that was only because I was teaching the class. If I'd had my druthers, I would have slept in and skipped it entirely.
But it's OK to take a break sometimes. In fact, I think it's necessary. And it's not like I've been a woman of leisure: I still walk LG to/from school, teach Shakespeare to the 38 kids (which uses up A LOT of energy, lol!), do fun stuff with my own kids (yesterday we toured a lighthouse), and, oh yeah, things like vacuuming, sweeping, laundry, etc., etc.
Plus going up and down the stairs 438 times a day.
I'm also trying to do more Things I Enjoy. Swimming for fun rather than counting laps. Going for a walk in order to explore, rather than counting steps. Focusing on the quality of food rather than counting calories.
And, the biggie, as always, trying to stop OBSESSING over the things I cannot control!
I will vote.
At the moment, that's all I can do.
I cannot control who will win. Either way, life must go on. Granted, I'm planning on updating my family's passports, just in case, lol!
I also find myself dropping more and more into deeper and deeper periods of depression. Some of them coincide with Aunt Flow, but many of them stem from anxiety. Or from looking at our circumstances and wondering, sometimes, how we got here.
Not that here is all that bad, mind you. It's just not where I thought and hoped we'd be at this point. And I have moments of wanting things I can't have; wanting them so badly it becomes a physical ache. Not material things, but dreams. The ones that never came true.
I know my life is so much better than I ever could have imagined 20 years ago. But I guess when you get to a certain point and you realize that some things will just never happen, well, it's natural to wonder "What if?" It's part of getting out of denial, I think. It's healthy to mourn the death of dreams, and then make room for new ones.
Feeling sad, even this horrible depression, isn't something to be avoided at all costs. It's to be felt, then let go of. If I were unable to come out of these bouts, I'd be worried. But they come, and then they go. And if I can remember that, then all will be well. And they have something to teach me. I just need to pay attention.
In the meantime, I'll be swallowing some St. John's Wort. Because it doesn't seem to hurt, and it just may help.
OK. It's 9:30 PM and time for this party girl to get to bed.