Friday, January 6, 2012

Why Wait?

In less than 8 years, which will go by quickly, I'm gonna be 50.  When I first met Hubby, his mom was 52.  Which doesn't seem possible.  Because we just met a couple of years ago, right?
My 20's were a sometimes-excruciating voyage of discovery.  In those 10 years I finished college, traveled and performed in the U.K.,  became a professional actor and teacher, moved across the country, completed my Masters, met my husband, moved to L.A to pursue my career, went through 2 eating disorders and therapy to help, and we bought our first home (a condo).
My 30's are a bit of a blur:  we got married, had 2 kids, bought an actual house, and then another. Those kids were diagnosed with autism and started school.  We moved to San Francisco, I became a Pilates teacher, and lost my dad.
Now, 2 years into my 40's, I'm reassessing and finding out what's most important.
While I no longer think of 50 as old, it does make me wonder about the things I've accomplished and what I still want to do.  The older I get, the less the latter has to do with outside stuff: I'm not trying to be a millionaire, or buy a sports car, win an Oscar, etc.  I DO want to learn to REALLY relax, be at peace with myself, and take good care of my family.
And get a good teaching job at the university level. Preferably tenure-rack, but at his point I'll take what I can get.

Life goes by so quickly.  I may have already lived more than half of mine already, and much of it has been spent in fear, guilt, or simply trying to disappear.  Which makes me so incredibly sad! Part of me thinks I have wasted years of this wonderful gift, while another part of me remembers that I used the tools I had in order to survive.  Now I have better tools, and it's time to use them.

I used to teach voice classes.  Not singing, but for the stage.  I worked with a number of teenage girls in my classes.  I like to think I helped them FIND their voice.  And I'd like to do that again.

I lost my own for a while, but I'm finding it again.


Crabby McSlacker said...


I have this feeling 2012 is going to be a transformative year... in a good way!

Hope it's an awesome one, and yeah, why wait?

Geosomin said...

I LOVED reading this. It made me smile.
I agree - Life is far too short to spend it guiltily wishing for things. There is so much to do...big and little :)

I was struck the other day at many different things I'd like to do and how my priorities have changed since starting school inspire me to make up a list of these things. Like a bucket list...only not so morbid :)