People aren't mind readers. You get back what you put out there, good or bad, right or wrong. After years and years of letting fear hold me back from asking for what I need, I have reached my limit. I truly believe that internalizing everything for 40 + years is the root cause of my anxiety, weight/food issues, self-esteem problems and depression. (And even occasional indigestion, lol!)
I agonize over stuff, envision worst-case scenarios, rehearse difficult conversations in my mind, and then find out that all the stuff I was worried about simply doesn't exist.
This morning I discovered that what I see as one of my least-favorite traits is what draws others to me. They actually LIKE that about me! Who knew?!?!?!
And that when I express my fears/needs/wants, the people who love me don't, in fact, run away screaming or act as if I've asked for their left ear. Quite the opposite: they give me a hug and tell me they'll give me whatever I need. And if they've done something that has upset me, they don't lash out and blame me, or tell me I'm being too sensitive. They apologize!!!!!
I'm a bit stunned.
But there's been a transformation happening recently. Inside me. A shift in attitude. A lot of my old beliefs are starting to drop away, and that's a GREAT thing! All the negative crap that was multiplied when I moved to L.A is finally, FINALLY, getting left behind and replaced with new, kinder thoughts.
Most of the time.
It's a process.
And speaking of processes, we're speeding up the process of moving: we received notice that on or around February 29th (it's a leap year!) our house will be auctioned off, after which we will have 10 days to vacate. So we want to be ready before then.
I almost said our "home" will be auctioned off. But, really, it's the place we currently live. Our HOME is wherever we are together.
Sure, we've lived here for 5 1/2 years, but we moved many times before this. And it wasn't meant to be our "forever" house. When we bought it, we figured we'd live here for a couple of years, sell it, and buy a single-family home. But then the market tanked, the economy went south, Hubby lost his job, our mortgage went up, and the bank refused to even consider a refi. So now they will sell it for far less than it is worth, while we go live in a beautiful house with our extended family. We are truly, TRULY blessed.
And, hopefully, whoever buys this house will enjoy it and have a good life here.
And, yes, the closer we get to the foreclosure, the more I'm convinced it's happening for a reason. Many reasons, in fact. Some are becoming clear now, but others won't materialize until later. One good thing: getting rid of a lot of crap. I have books sitting in boxes in the garage that have been in those same boxes for 6 or 7 years. They're all going to the library. I kept them because I enjoyed them. but they're not currently being enjoyed by ANYONE right now! Books are meant to be read! If they go to the library, they'll be enjoyed by many. I feel kinda badly that they've been sitting untouched for so long!
There's all this other stuff we don't use. But maybe other people WILL use it. So we're donating it.
The rest of it will be thrown away or, even better, recycled.
Because we don't need all this STUFF!!!!! We can live much more simply than we currently do.
And that'll be a huge relief.