Follow my 20 year-old dream of becoming a Designated Linklater voice teacher? Try to start my own Shakespeare company? Take on a comprehensive Pilates teacher training, at a steep discount, and learn all the equipment I haven't trained on yet? Go back to studying Krav Maga?
The options may seem endless, but, alas, the financial and physical resources are not. Add the fact that there are only 24 hours in a day and I'd like to spend at least a few of them with my family and, y'know, sleeping, and I have some decisions to make.
I'm still trying to decide what I want to do with my life. I have an opportunity to take that comprehensive Pilates training, and it's a REALLY good deal. And since Pilates is where most of my income is from at the moment, it would seem like a no-brainer. However I may not have the necessary child care available. And I'm starting to ask myself if I want to continue teaching Pilates for the next however-many years. I mean, I CAN, but is it what I want?
I honestly don't know. I enjoy it, but it's not my number one passion. So I could combine it with other things, right? Kinda like I'm doing now, but maybe in a way that's a little less... spastic?
And let's be real; the whole start-my-own-theater-company thing isn't gonna happen anytime in the near future. Not with the economy the way it is, and with my kids as young as they are. I've already decided that going back to school for drama therapy also isn't feasible right now.
I took a 2-hour Anusara yoga workshop today and it was WONDERFUL! There was a moment, after the fiirst hour, when the teacher said "just remind yourself why you're here today." And it made me think of acting: why I fell in love with it, when I enjoyed it most, and why I STOPPED loving it (when I was doing it for the wrong reasons, in a place that didn't value the craft or the talent required). We were also focused on our breath, which made me think of all the breath work we did at the Shakespeare Company I used to work at. It was there that I realized how important the breath is to performing. Not just to be heard, but for EVERYTHING. The moment you stop breathing on stage, everything stops. It's no longer in the moment. It becomes effort-ful, self-conscious, and false.
Oh, and you put yourself in danger of passing out.
Kinda like life!
I also remembered how much I enjoyed not only learning HOW to breathe, but teaching it to other students and actors. And I was really good at it. But after grad school, when I had the opportunity to work with a master teacher toward my goal of becoming a designated instructor, I backed off.
For a number of reasons, many of them good ones. She wanted me to work with her full-time, which I couldn't do. I had to pay my rent, after all. I also wanted to pursue my acting career, which wouldn't have been possible. And frankly, she scared the crap out of me! She's a brilliant, intimidating person!
Then, of course, the kids came along, I became a full-time SAHM, and everything else went to the back burner.
Now I live in an are where there are no master teachers. I could, in theory, fly down to L.A. or San Diego and work with one. It would take time and money, but what doesn't? It's also something I can potentially do until I keel over. AND, it would give me a skill above and beyond all the other MFA-holders applying for jobs at the university level.
And the fact is, I can't work full-time right now, so maybe it's the perfect time to focus on training and getting designated. Especially since we'll be moving out and paying rent, as opposed to a mortgage.
So, what to do?
Lots to think about. Decisions to be made.