We had our last class last night :(. But we're going to continue to meet once a month, to keep ourselves and each other on track. It's such a fantastic group, and the work that has come out of it is amazing!
I also had coffee the other day with a friend from grad school. He's now the artistic director of a nearby Shakespeare festival (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), which means I may be able to get back to my beloved Bard, PROFESSIONALLY!, at some point. Plus, it's so nice to get back in touch with people I knew back in the day.
I suppose I'm in the stage of life where friends are In Charge Of Things. We're all growed up!
Why do I still feel like I'm 12?
My friend said some things that make me (cautiously) optimistic: Once he decided to be an actor in the Bay Area 5 years ago, he did a mass mailing to all the major (and not-so major) theaters in the area, sending them his headshot, resume, and a cover letter. He didn't bother trying to get an agent. And he's been working steadily ever since. Earning his living acting, and not doing anything else, and not even having to audition anymore. When I talked about my experiences in L.A., about the reaction to my physical appearance, he said "Look at me: I'm 20 pounds overweight and bald, and I don't have an issue. It;s different for women, yes, but I don't think you'll have a problem."
And there's one more thing: I'm pretty damn good! I forgot that many years ago. It slipped my mind that I actually have talent. But the more I wade into the creative waters again, the more it comes back to me. The more I work those creative muscles, the stronger they get, and the more confident I become.
So maybe, 11 years ago, it wasn't about hating performing. It was about being in the wrong place. But, again, things happen for a reason. My kids needed me, and I needed to focus on being a mom. Now they need me a little bit less (at least, I don't have to ride herd for fear one of them will climb out a window, decorate their bedroom wall in Early-Century Sharpie, grab glassware out of the cabinet for the sole purpose of smashing it on the floor, using the dog as playground equipment, skateboarding naked in the empty bathtub...). And I'm ready to go back to the creative world. And now we're in the RIGHT place for it! A place where talent is appreciated and nurtured.
Hubby was offered that show I mentioned in the last post, and he didn't have to audition for it. Because they know him, know his work, and respect him and it. As it SHOULD be, because he's brilliant!
And I'm even starting to really think of myself as a writer. Something I avoided doing for decades. When I finally did pick up a pen, I was to insecure to call myself a writer. Just as, for a long time, I was too embarrassed to call myself an artist until a fantastic teacher convinced me otherwise.
What happens next, I can't say. Of course. (If I could do THAT, I'd be buying lottery tickets for everyone I've ever met.) But, despite the mess that the world is getting itself into, I'm kind of...excited!
Guess we're on the uptick of that rollercoaster.