Sunday, December 23, 2012

Stinky McStinkalot

2 Days in and already Hubby and I have had a fight.
Sort of.
We don't yell or get into shouting matches.  We rarely even argue.  So when we do, it feels like a bigger deal than it actually is.
Sometimes his Being Who He Is and my Being Who I AM just don't mesh. Because we're human.  Sometimes he wants things from me that I don't give, and vice-versa.  But that's marriage.  Or any relationship, really: Sometimes, you're just gonna drive each other nuts.

But I've learned a few things over the past couple of days.  One of which is that, at this point in my life, I'd rather be seen as a bitch than be a doormat.
Taking a stand is hard.  Putting my foot down can result in People Being Mad AT Me.  But trying to make everyone happy only makes me miserable, and then everyone blames me for their unhappiness, as well.  Lose-lose.

Some people are the way they are, and nothing will change certain aspects of them.  So either learn to tolerate it or leave.

It's not always me, or something I've done.  In fact, it rarely is, these days.

Guilt trips don't work nearly as well on me as they used to.  And since I now have over a decade of Jewish Mother Experience under my belt, I can give at least as good as I get.

I have sacrificed a lot.  I give a lot.  I expect some sacrifice and give in return.  Sorry, but the whole "give without expectation" may work in the broad, general sense, but when it comes to a relationship, it can make things hugely unequal.  Which leads to resentment  Which leads to arguments and anger.

I have a good deal of responsibility for things being the way they are.  But I am not SOLELY responsible.

I cannot, and will no longer try to, compensate for others' lack.

I can love someone and not always like them.  And vice-versa.  But we get over it and move on, hopefully stronger and smarter.

Not a bad list of stuff to learn, all in all.

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