Sunday, February 12, 2012

Rollercoaster...of Love!

OK, it's not of love, but I do love that song!
This week has been an emotional rollercoaster.  We MIGHT have a buyer for the house.  Which would be awesome, as a short sale is better than a foreclosure.  I have been stressing myself out trying to get all the paperwork done for the kids' school transfer. Last night I shoveled pizza into my pie hole as quickly as is humanly possible.  Which, as you can imagine, left me feeling not-so-good.  Stomache ache, heartburn, and, this morning, a headache that felt like someone was jamming an ice pick into my left eye and then twirling it.

But looking back over the past few months (aside from last night), my eating has been pretty clean, and I'm certainly eating less than I was.  I work out a lot.  According to the conventional "Eat less move more" weight loss wisdom, I should be down by at least 10 or 15 pounds, probably more.  But I'm only down 5.
So what's the problem?

My mortal enemies: stress and guilt. And Shame!  I wrap myself up in knots to the point where it wouldn't matter if I wired my jaw shut, superglued my lips together and refused an IV. I STILL wouldn't lose weight! (Well, at least until I started decomposing after dying of dehydration.  But that's beside the point.  And kinda morbid.)
Because until I deal with my emotional crap, I could do everything "right" (and have!!!!!!) and the weight wouldn't budge.
But I'm still feeling better when I eat the stuff that agrees with me and avoid the stuff that doesn't.  When I pay attention to and enjoy my food, rather than try to stuff down my anger and sadness with it.
I've known this for a while, but it's been reinforced.  And I'm finally learning how to feed and nourish myself, physically and otherwise.
As I write this I'm listening to Robyn Hitchcock on Spotify.  Right now "I Feel Beautiful" is playing.  ("I walk through the tomatoes and I think of you.  No one's ever watered me the way you do."  Love him!!!!) And the funny thing is, I actually do!
For whatever reason, I came home this afternoon, turned on some music and have been feeling lovely and, yes, even a bit hot, ever since.  I'm not entirely sure why, but I LIKE it!
Gonna try and keep this feeling going.

I'm hooked on a feelin'...


Crabby McSlacker said...

That's so awesome that you recognize that the stress & guilt & mindless eating are unnecessary and not your friends, and that you've found a great way to create a little island of happiness in music where they can't get to you for a while!

Hope you find more and more ways to keep that going. And good luck on the house!

Geosomin said...

I'm glad you are staying positive and feeling good about things you've changed in your life. Feeling so much better is the best reason for it all to me :)
You can dooo eeeet! :)