Wednesday, October 5, 2011


No, not the workout (which ABSOLUTELY lives up to it's name!), but life in these parts right about now.  Can't go into TOO many details, but another trip (or 4) to the dentist will be involved.  Not for me, but the offspring.  Feeling (even more) scared and stressed (than usual).  Plus the house...the seemingly endless house/school district drama.
I'm also (finally!) realizing that I really do need to take things not just day-by-day, but sometimes even moment-by-moment. To keep breathing, keep perspective, and take action when there is action to be taken, but also realize that at 4 AM there's usually not a lot that can be done, and obsessing and creating those worst-case scenarios doesn't help.  AT ALL.  It actually makes it worse.

So, a few new experiments.  I'm ditching the coffee.  All caffeine, in fact.  Not only does it add to the jitters I already have, I can't even drink it without adding all sort of sugary crud to it.  Since I'm trying to go without processed sugar for a while, as well, it just makes sense to ditch the coffee.  Oh, and the artificial sweeteners. I'd already gotten rid of those, for the most part, but still enjoyed a diet soda now and again.
But no more.  I need to focus on putting things in my body that will help, not hurt me.  I think, for a long time, my body has been shouting at me to get rid of some of this stuff, but I just plugged my ears and sang "lalalala  I can't hear you!"

This is just for me.  I'm not going to tell anyone else (other than my kids) how to eat.  (I'm certainly not going to tell Hubby he has to give up coffee.  Especially since I kinda like my limbs, lol!  He's the mellowest guy on the planet, but if I ever took his morning joe away, I have a feeling we'd have some "Incredible Hulk" action going on!)

See, I'm experiencing a very familiar feeling: the desire to curl up in a ball on my bed and stay there.  I've felt this way so often, probably more often than not in my 42 years. Usually this feeling is trying to tell me something.  For instance, in grad school, I started feeling like this (and having panic attacks) when I realized that acting, despite the hours, money, and years I'd already put into it, might not be what I truly wanted to do. My subconscious and conscious minds started to battle it out, while the rest of me went through the days on autopilot.  When I was a kid, I missed A LOT of school for 3 years in a row. I had stomachaches, but they were part of something deeper.  Not that I or anyone else knew that at the time.  (Oh how I wish we had: would've saved me from the Barium milkshake!)
The best remedy for feeling like this is to NOT give in.  To go out and do something.  Luckily I have a Pilates client this morning and my 20 little urchins this afternoon.  They'll keep me plenty busy, lol!
The other remedy is to take my own advice: do what can be done when that's possible, and let the rest go.  As Hamlet says, "If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now. Now, if it be not now, yet it will come.  The readiness is all."
In other words, it's gonna happen sooner or later, and I need to get myself prepared.  Wishing something away won't make it go away. Time to pull on my big girl panties and deal.

Another thing to remember is that 9 times out of 10 the anticipation of something is 1,000 times worse than the event itself.

So here I am, continuing on my road of (hopefully) self-improvement.  If you see me, give me a wave!


Geosomin said...

big girl panties for all :P

azusmom said...

We can even decorate them and make them pretty!