Thursday, February 17, 2011

And the Hits Just Keep On Coming!

Some days just aren't worth the effort it takes to get dressed.
Granted, I'm not a naturally optimistic person, but yesterday would've tried even the patience of a saint.
Maybe it's me, but when I interview for a job and explain that I am a mom, and that my kids have special needs, and that I will do EVERYTHING in my power to NOT have that interfere with the job, and you tell me that it's all good, you understand, it's a family-friendly place with lots of working moms, that you yourself are a working mom and you totally get it, especially when it comes to kids on the spectrum because, after all, I'm being hired to work with kids who don't necessarily fit in with other kids, then maybe you should think about actually practicing what you preach!  Especially after you've already lost 2 other teachers over the same issue!
I have never missed a day.  In fact, I am ALWAYS the first one to show up.  I haven't let my childcare issues interfere AT ALL with the job.  Just the opposite; I have busted my a** making sure it isn't an issue.
But now I have a small problem, and you have let me know, in no uncertain terms, that you will NOT be part of the solution.  Not even for 10 minutes.  That you will rake me over the coals if I even THINK of doing, for 10 minutes, WHAT YOU DO EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Here's the deal: my babysitter's hours have changed at her regular job.  We were thinking that I could bring my kids to work with me for a few minutes, just until she can get there and bring them back home.  Once in a while, not all the time. And she'd be there before my class starts.  Seeing as my boss brings her almost-two year-old to the office every day, I thought maybe it wouldn't be a problem.  I thought, because she told me she understood my situation when she interviewed me that there might be some leeway.  But I found out that 2 other teachers before me did exactly as I was planning to do and got into serious trouble for it.  They ended up quitting.  And I am going to do the same.  Not right away, I will see my commitment through.  For the students' sake, and because I keep my promises. But I will NOT be returning in the fall.
I spend over half my paycheck on childcare.  I joined this program because I believed in what I thought we were trying to do. But between the issues in the classroom and now this, it is SO not worth it!!!!!

Later, at my other job, I was told that the lounge, where I have been hanging out between classes for 3 years, is actually NOT open to the staff.  There IS a staff lounge, but I don't have a key, since I'm only part time.  This was immediately followed by an email to the staff informing us that from now on we may only park in the spaces furthest from the building.
OK, that last one I get: the members pay A LOT of money, and we have a large senior citizen population.  It was just that 1-2-3 punch that left me reeling.  Left me feeling like a 3rd-class citizen.
Completely disrespected.
 Especially since there was no one else in the lounge at the time, and I was sitting silently reading a book! And I arrived early for my class, due to the lack of traffic.  Am I supposed to stand in the hallway for an hour?  I don't have an office.  What next?  We're not allowed in the locker rooms?  The cafe?
I just don't get it.  Are members so offended at having to mix with "the help" that we can't sit in the same room with them?  Because if that's the case, what the hell kind of place IS it?

Between all this stuff,our economic crud, and everything going on in the country and the world, I just want to curl up into a little ball and stay in bed.  And in a way I am.  LG is home sick from school and I have the day off, so we're curled up in bed watching the rain.  I may even start a fire in the fireplace.
I've decided to be selfish for a while.  To stop worrying about all the things I can't control and focus on my family.
And myself.

Because I give up.

For now, at least.


The Merry said...

Take the rest of the night off. For that matter, take some time for you!
Yeah. I know. That's easy enough for someone who doesn't have a special needs child to say. But it's still true. Sometimes, you just need to rest and re-charge your batteries.

azusmom said...

Yeah, I often forget to just take some breathing room.
Thanks for the reminder!!!!!!!