I'm guessing it's because it's That Time O' The Month, and because I had a root canal yesterday, but I am CRABBY today! And it's only 10:30 AM!
Of course, looking at the balance in my bank account didn't help.
Or the fact that my mini-vacation is over and it's back to work, starting tonight, or that I have 8,000 items on my MUST BE DONE, NOW!!!!! (said in a Schwarzenegger, "Terminator"-type voice) list, or that even with the economy the way it is it seems EVERYONE is at Target at 9 AM, or that my paycheck wasn't ready even after I spent 20 minutes looking for parking near the gym, or that I can't find my birth certificate to give to the synagogue so they can FINALLY pay me, or my health insurance "forgetting" that I just made an $800 payment and refusing to pay for my painkillers (curse you, Anthem Blue Cross! But bless YOU, CVS, for giving me a discount prescription drug card!) or the fact that apparently I need to work another 90 hours a week so we can get the bills paid, or the fact that everyone is so stressed out about the holidays that they're driving like idiots and tailgaiting ME. Grrrrrr.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the holidays! The lights, the decorations, the excitement, the fact that we no longer have to travel (hee!). But everyone seems to get a little bit nuts and a whole lot mean this time of year.
I guess it's easier for us; we simply cannot afford to buy gifts this year. So no crazy shopping sprees for us, no running through the aisles, tearing our hair out trying to find the perfect gift for Uncle Saul. Because Uncle Saul will be getting bupkus from us this year.
I also can't help thinking about the people who are on their own this time of year, or of the ones who can't afford any kind of celebration. Food banks are way down on donations and way up in terms of need. And I can't do a damn thing about it because, well, like I said, I got a look at my account balance this morning.
I'm trying not to get pulled into the morass (heh-heh; "morass!") of it all, but old habits die hard.
So I guess I just need to let myself feel it all, then let it go.
And have faith that it will all work out.
Oh, and maybe eat a cookie.