Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Rantings of a PMS-ing Female.

I can't really handle most reality TV, other than "Dancing With the Stars" and "So You Think You Can Dance." (Hmm....theme?) I know "Top Chef" debuts tonight, and everyone I know is pretty darn excited, but I was just watching a rerun from a previous season, and had to turn it off after a few minutes. 'Cause I've got enough stress in my life, I don't need to live it vicariously through people on TV!
Actually, there was a great article in the paper today that explained the difference between "reality" and "unscripted" television: "If you feel like a voyeur, need to take a shower, or worry about the sorry state of humankind after watching it, that's reality television. If you were entertained without abject, crippling shame or if you learned something - even if it came while watching guys blow stuff up on 'Mythbusters' - then it's probably an acceptable form of unscripted television."
That made me laugh, even in my state of nearly uncnotollable, PMS-induced rage.
Yes, it's That Time Of The Month Again. A time when humanity can do no right. When dogs are the best people I know. When my face resembles Orion's belt, and I can't wear a regular belt to save my life, 'cause I'm bloated out to HERE.
And the damn phone keeps ringing, and when I answer it, whoever's on the line HANGS UP!!!! OVER AND OVER AND OVER!!!! I'm thinking I should call the phone company and let them know, 'cause it's been going on for quite a while now.
The other day a guy called and he had the wrong number. He said "You sound nice. What's your name?" And I said "Take care, buh-bye" and hung up. And I'm kinda glad he didn't call today, because I probably would have reached through the phoine line and strangled him with his own intestines.
Suffice to say, my mind and emotions are in a jumble. Today was my first day off in a week and a half, and I've been running around like that headless chicken, only not as quietly. I took a Pilates workshop over the weekend, which was AMAZING and wonderful, but I kept catching glimpses of myself in the mirror and despairing over the weight I've put on in the past 2 years.
Oy.
I've been beating myself up for quite a while over my weight. The thing is, I just don't feel "right" in my body! It's very disturbing. I can easily accept others' weight, whatever that is, but my weight just feels so wrong! So what do I do? I eat a ton of pizza tonight. I'm trying to tell myself that it's OK, but it just has that awful bingey feeling I used to get when I was Bulimic. I didn't eat nearly as much tonight as I did back then, but still, I just feel yucky.
Hmm. I may need to put a call in to my therapist.

2 comments:

Charlotte said...

PMS always makes me want to call my therapist too:) And I completely understand about your feelings about your weight. i'm the same way. Even though I know I'm healthy, I just don't feel "right" in my own skin. But hey - give yourself kudos for doing that Pilates workshop and for not puking the pizza. Two great accomplishments!!

azusmom said...

Thank you for the perspective! I hadn't thought of it that way!