Thursday, May 29, 2014

I've Gone to The Dark Side

Once again.
I've re-joined Weight Watchers.
Except I'm going to meetings this time, rather than doing it all on my own.
There's a part of me that feels guilty: Like I SHOULD be doing only Intuitive Eating, that I didn't try "hard enough," etc. etc.

I know diets are bad, that they don't work.  But this time, I'm not treating it as a diet.  I'm using it as a tool to help me think and, more importantly, FEEL, before I eat.  I'm hoping it will help with IE, forcing me to ask if I'm truly hungry.

Yesterday was a rough day.  It seems to be the case all around.  Like it was International Day of Suckage, or something.  EVERYONE I spoke to was just not having it.  And there were a few times when I just wanted to shovel food down my gullet, but I stopped.  Because at first I didn't want to use up my points, and then I realized I was actually quite sad.  So I tapped, instead.

Then I felt MUCH better.

I'm keeping my focus on good, clean, real food.  I will avoid as much as possible the frozen and packaged stuff, and continue cutting down on my sugar intake.  The thing that bugs me a little bit is the continued emphasis on low fat food in the program.  I'm allowed 3 servings of "healthy fats" a day, but the points add up very quickly. biggie.  I'll still use my coconut and olive oil.
And avocado.  There's NO WAY I'm giving up my avocados, baby!

Oh, and a nice little surprise: Last night I did a Turbo Jam workout I hadn't done in a couple of years. It used to be REALLY hard, but last night, not so much!  It was still a good workout, but I wasn't left gasping for air during the intervals.

So, I told myself that, unless I'm really having horrible issues, I'm going to stay on WW through the end of the year, and see what happens.
Hopefully the online tools won't continue to flub up.  Yesterday I was on the phone with tech support for 2 hours, and some of the issues are STILL not resolved.  Which only means, really, I'd have to buy a Points calculator and write everything down.  But still.  I'm paying for the full service, it'd be nice if I could access all of it.

Anyway, in MUCH more important news, the 15-second teaser-trailer for the new season of "Doctor Who" was released the other day.  Peter Capaldi in silhouette.    Pretty darn cool!  He's already my favorite Doctor, and we've only seen about 45 seconds of him.  Plus eyebrows.
There's also a fan-made trailer for the new season which is kind of beautiful.  Since I'm still not able import stuff off of Youtube, you'll have to go over there & check it out, if you're interested.

Also, Benedict Cumberbatch will be playing Billy Bulger, brother to Whitey, in a film based on a book written by a colleague of my mom's.  Small world.  It's being filmed in Boston, so I'm hoping to see some friends in it.
Oh, and Johnny Depp is in it, too.  :)

Alrighty, I think that's about it for now.

Have a good one!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

More Reminders, and Other Stuff

(Note to self: Work on blog titles.)

Saturday was Ride A Wave.  It was our 5th time, and WG is now an old pro.  By the time we got to downtown Santa Cruz (and drove around looking for parking), she had a BIG smile on her face and was literally bouncing in her seat.  She knew exactly where we were and why we we there (wow, that is a difficult sentence to say!  Glad I'm writing it, instead).  She practically ran to the registration table, and couldn't contain herself.  It was so cute!
She had a AMAZING buddy this year.  They're always great, but this year's was particularly good.  The two of them got on like gangbusters.

But the best part was that, finally, LG took part as well.  A couple of years ago we'd tried to get him  involved, but he wouldn't put on the wetsuit.  I guess after 4 years of watching his sister have all the fun, he finally said "The heck with it" and wanted in, lol!  He did it all:  boogie boarding, surfing, and kayaking.  And he did great!  They both had such an amazing time, and the RAW folks told me that next year I should just go ahead and sign both of them up, even though it's technically for her school.  And these are all volunteers!  They don't get paid for ANY of it!

It's such an amazing day, and it really is like Christmas for the kids.  There was one boy being carried into the water for his surfing session: He was older, probably about 16, and unable to walk or speak.  But the smile on his face as they carried him to his surfboard spoke volumes.

There are such good people in the world.

We've decided we're going to get wetsuits for all of us.  We've been thinking about it for a long time, and after Saturday, we're going to go for it.  That way we we can all swim in the ocean together, or in Tanaya Lake in Yosemite (which is freezing) or Tahoe (also frigid).  The ocean is SO good for their systems!  It's great having access to a pool (for the time being, anyway), but there's nothing quite like being in the ocean.  Especially to calm their little proprioceptive systems.
(And, having grown up on the ocean myself, I must say I miss it terribly.)

On Sunday Hubby and I went to see a show called "The Suit."  It was only 75 minutes, and it was amazing!  It's touring, so if You get a chance, definitely see it.  It's incredibly moving, and there's beautiful music in it. It's set in a South African township in the 1950's, but is also a very personal story.
Bring tissues.
I didn't, and I regretted it.  :)

I'm also back on board with tapping and EFT, which I'd let slide a bit over the past few weeks.  It really is helpful, and I really need to remember to do it.  Especially when I'm feeling anxious, or I'm awake at 4 AM.  It works!  I'm already feeling the difference, and it's only been a couple of days.

Finally, I had a reminder this morning that the scenarios I have in my head regarding certain situations are often *cough* USUALLY*cough* FAR from reality.  I need to remember what an active imagination I have. It can be a great thing, but sometimes it takes me on flights of fancy that get me all twisted in knots and feeling badly and it could ALL be avoided if I just SPEAK UP!
Which I did this AM.  Told Hubby I was feeling anxious about the fact that I'm not currently making any money.  And found out that I'd gotten his reaction all wrong in my head.
Which was a huge relief.

He reacted with kindness and concern, not judgment.
Sometimes reality is SO MUCH BETTER than fiction.


Although I still want to hitch a ride in the TARDIS.

Preferably with the current incarnation of The Doctor.

And help John and Sherlock solve a case.

But, hey, that's what fanfic is for, right?  I mean, aside from creating pornographic versions of your favorite stories...
Which I'll leave to others.
It's one thing to create characters out of thin air and write erotica about them. It's another thing entirely to have actor's faces in my head while I do so.

And I'm not judging AT ALL.
It's just not something I can do.

Anyway...speaking of stories, I have a bit more of the one I've been working on, and will continue to write it.  I'm also applying for the teaching pool at Berkeley. It's one of those things where, if they need a teacher for any reason, they have a bunch of resumes on file they can look through.
Because you never know.
And, hey!  Berkeley!
If I end up there, I can hang out in trees & smoke pot for my "glaucoma"!
And, y'know, teach a class now and then.
For students who actually WANT to be there, whom I don't have to babysit.
What a concept!

OK, gotta get LG to school and grab me some java.
Have a good one!

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Ooooooh, Right!

I've been reminded of a couple of things this morning. One is that there's more to my yoga practice than how deeply I get into a pose or what my butt looks like.  Personally, I don't see anything wrong with doing yoga purely for the physical benefits.  As Tony the Tiger would say, "They're GREAT!"  But everyone has different reasons for practicing, and mine include...well... I suppose Keeping My Sanity would be at the top of the list.  But I also like to reach for things like calmness, equanimity, compassion, empathy, and moving beyond the everyday jibber-jabber. Yoga does that for me.  (As does watching "Cosmos" with Neil DeGrasse Tyson.  Have you seen it? It's FAB!  I watched the original back in the day, and love this one just as much!)
I went to a fantastic ashtanga class yesterday in Silicon Valley.  Mountain View, which is a lovely city.   It was mellow, and non-competitive, and REALLY challenging. But not to the point where I felt frustrated.  In fact, I felt REALLY happy and good! I went for a walk afterwards in the park nearby.  The public library is right there, and they have sculptures of Toad of Toad Hall and Badger, as well as actual pieces of the Berlin Wall.  It's pretty amazing.

The second one just occurred to me before I started writing: I just finished a new workout from my online group, and it was tough.  But it was also fun, and I'm definitely getting stronger.  I've been putting so much emphasis on weight loss (again!) that I forget how great that feeling of accomplishment is when I finish lifting heavier, or can do more push ups, or whatever.

I was also recently looking at photos of myself from my grad school days, when I was 25 and anorexic, working out 14 hours a week.  Yes, I was young and aesthetically pleasing.  In pictures.  The panic attacks, brain fog, sleeplessness, and shivers were less attractive and fun.
Plus, I was weak.  I was toned from using the Nautilus machines (remember those? This WAS the mid-90's, lol!), but I wasn't strong.  Add to that the fact that I wasn't eating much (subsisting on bagels, vegetable sticks, and coffee) and, well, you get the idea.
There's more to life than looking good in jeans.  This place where we live is a speck on a speck on a speck in a vast universe.  And we may only have one go-around on this speck, so maybe it's time for me to focus on the Big Stuff.  As someone said recently, "Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff."  :)

Sounds like good advice!

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Well, That Was a Bust. (And not the good kind!)

I should've known.
OK, actually, I DID know.  I just didn't listen. To the little voice in my head saying "Don't do it!" when I bought the FitBit on Sunday.
And ended up returning it on Monday.
Heck, even my computer knew I'd have trouble!  It refused to recognize the file when I tried to set it up for synching!  Like it was saying "Look, kid, I know you.  You've been pounding on my keys for a while now, and let me just save you the heartache and tsuris."
But I didn't listen to THAT, either.  Instead, I set it up on Hubby's computer.
Which led to all sorts of issues.

Until, finally, I gave in to the Inevitable and Got My Money Back.

I probably should've stuck with a plain ol' pedometer.
Or not.
Just do my workouts and not worry so much about the stats.  After all, MyFitnessPal is doing all the grunt work for me in that area.

Ah well.  At least I was able to return it.
And I'm much happier now.

Speaking of busts, I got my mammogram results, and I'm all clear.  (They even sent me a link so I can look at the 3-D images.)  I haven't had nearly as much pain or discomfort on my side, so hopefully the cyst is going away, as well.  Had a bit of discomfort last night, after overdoing  it a bit in my workout.  Other than than, nada for the past few days.  I'll get another ultrasound next week.  Hopefully it'll begone completely by then.And keeping on the subject of busts (and hips, thighs, tummies, etc.), I've been looking at a lot of art, lately.  Mostly reproductions or pictures online.  But I've been seeing quite a bit of nudes.  And I always knew that different body types were revered in days past, but I've been thinking that, had I lived a couple of centuries ago, I totally could've been an artists' model.
And maybe even a mistress to one or two.  Or twelve.

I'd like to think I'd've been a bohemian girl.  Staying out late in cafes, drinking absinthe, arguing philosophy, dancing 'til dawn, and crawling home to my tiny apartment to sleep until noon, then downing lots of Turkish coffee and doing it all over again.
Being a bit (or a lot) naughty.  More so than I've had the guts to be in this life.
Of course, I might have come to a bad end.  But I really would have enjoyed the ride for as long as it lasted!

I think I had a chance to do some of that back when I was a student at NYU.  After all, it was the late 80's/early 90's, and it was Greenwich Village!  NYC before the gentrification.  Where a couple of single girls could still afford an apartment in Park Slope, if they had decent enough jobs.  Or a studio on the Upper West Side.
But I was too scared.  I was too good.  The naughtiest thing I ever did was perform "Rocky Horror" in front of 600 strangers every weekend.  Well, that, and sneak the occasional underage wine cooler.  (Because the delis on 6th Avenue never carded.  We'd wash down our jalapeno potato chips with mixed berry Bartell's & James.  Ah, the steely digestive tract of the 19 year-old!) choices have led me to where, and whom, I am.  And that's pretty darn good!

So while I try and whittle away at my belly and lift my butt back up to (at least) circa 2007 proportions, I will continue to write my porn-er-erotica, look at great art, and celebrate my ripe-peach-like figure.

And I'll do it all with as little technology as possible, thankyouverymuch!

Monday, May 5, 2014

Share and Share Alike

Yeah, so, I got the cold that started with my niece and worked its way through the entire house.  One by one.  Hubby now has it, during his busiest week yet this year (of course!), so I'm plying him with Umcka drops, cold medicine, and fluids.  And homemade soup.
My problem wasn't so much the cold, but the cough that came with it.  I'm STILL coughing, even though, otherwise, I feel fine.  It's tiring, painful, and occurs at the least opportune moments.  Like when I'm getting my purchases rung up at the grocery store.  I'm also PMS-ing.  And it's Monday.  And yesterday would've been my dad's 76th birthday.
So, at the moment, I kind of feel like crawling under the covers and not coming out for 2 weeks.  Which would be a tiny bit of a disaster, of course.  AND, I'd smell REALLY badly!

But there are lots of good things going on!  I've been writing a short story that, IMHO, is quite good.  Hubby likes it, too.  It's funny, and it's smart, and it's geared toward a very specific audience (Fantasy/SF Erotica.  Oh, yes!  I have gone to the Dark Side, and there are, indeed, cookies!)  Plus, it's the first of a series.
At least, I hope it is.
I'm hoping to get it published online, to begin.  But I kinda need to finish writing it first.  And adding in the erotic element has, for whatever reason, loosened up my brain.  (Not THAT way, geez!)  I think it's the specificity of the genre.  Having to be THAT specific has, ironically, opened the creative floodgates.

With the added bonus that now everything sounds like a naughty pun.  :)

I think, also, I have found the photographer to take my new headshots, so that I can start auditioning again.  She's up near wine country, but it'll be worth it to have photos that look like me, but also, y'know, good. Plus, I'd get to spend the day in wine country!  Score!
I was going to wait until I lost more weight (Hee!  Another almost-pun!) but, well, it seems to be taking a long time, and I don't want to put it off much longer.

So that's the news.  Gonna go work out with my new Fit Bit gadget thingy.

Take care.