Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Ms. Crankypants!

Yes, PMS is here.  But it's also been a helluva week.  Hubby is away on a 4-day trip, and I am, once again, taking care of the kids by myself.  And 2 dogs, one of which is like having a third child.
I finally realized that everyone else's vacations mean more work for me.  And I desperately need one of my own.  A REAL vacation; not a working vacation, or one where we go away and I'm taking care of the kids while everyone else goes off to have fun.  I realize I don't have to justify going away for a couple of days by adding in a workshop or meetings or what have you.  Because I work my butt off, and I don't get days off.  Plus, I'm preparing to start 2 NEW jobs.  Along with the ones I already have.

I also have another slight cold.  Nothing like what I had after the move, thank goodness, but enough to make me tired and irritable.  And I want a nanny to look after the kids so I can stay in be and rest! WAH!

But the main thing is that I want to give up my Pilates classes.  It's been fun and I love my clients, but I don't feel as though I'm serving them anymore.  It's also not my life's passion:  I see just how passionate my fellow teachers are, and it's just not there for me.  I'd rather put my attention and somewhat limited time into teaching my drama students and possibly performing again. I'm grateful for having been able to teach Pilates for the past 4+ years and to all my students, but maybe, in the next few months...well, we'll see.  Of course, it'll mean no more free memberships at the clubs, but there's always something.  The sad fact is, I don't workout there much, anyway. I walk, use my DVDs and weights, and go to the yoga studio.  And there are some nearby pools open year-round that I fully intend to use.  :)

Because maybe, just maybe, it's time to relinquish a bit of control-er-responsibility.  After all, hubby does have a full-time job.  We're not exactly reliant on my Pilates income. I've spent 11 years being the primary caregiver AND working. And for the next 2 months, I'll be juggling 4 jobs with childcare while Hubby rehearses/performs in a show.

I'm tired of feeling as if I'm invisible.  Of being the one who will take care of everything because, well, I always do.  It's time for some folks to learn some independence, and to ASK, not just assume. It's time for me to rediscover that artsy-type I once was, to express something beyond "Get down from there!" I LOVE being a mom, but in order to be the best mom I can be, I need to find parts of myself that have been buried.

And in the meantime, I'm gonna take some Zicam and go to bed!


StarvingBitch said...

I think that sounds like a great idea!

azusmom said...

Thank you!
I see from your profile that you're from in New England. Whereabouts, if I may ask? I grew up in Boston, but spent time all over the entire area. :)