Wednesday, October 28, 2009


It's a good thing I don't blog for a living, 'cause I'd be broke right about now.

Yesterday was what I think of as our family's celebration of Halloween. Every year the kids' therapy group takes a trip to a really cool pumpkin patch in Half Moon Bay. There are A LOT of pumpkin patches in Half Moon Bay, which is a lovely fishing/farming town on the coast. But this particular patch is nice because it's a little bit off the beaten path, so it's not as crowded as the others. It's also bigger, and has a HUGE hay maze. Which we've never done, 'cause it takes at least 30 minutes to do, and my sense of direction is pretty rotten.
But they also have hay rides, pony rides, train rides, a (not-so) haunted house, and a play area with a bouncy house. AND, all the kids get free pumpkins.
So we dressed our kids up (LG as Spider Man, WG as a leopard) and went to the Patch.
And had a GREAT time!
LG loves his costume. He even wore he gloves and mask, which we didn't think he'd do. And he ran to the mirror and started posing; it was so cute! (We took the mask off so he could play. And, y'know, see.) And WG looked SO ADORABLE in hers! One of her therapists said "It's the perfect costume; you just want to pet her!!!"
Last year we couldn't get LG on the pony. This year he rode by himself, with a perfect seat and a HUGE smile on his face! And WG laughed and giggled the whole time we were there. No a single tear. (We have a photo of her, from the first trip 3 years ago, dressed as an elephant and sitting on a stack of pumpkins, crying. It's awfully cute but kinda sad, too.)
On actual Halloween night, we'll go to SIL's house for a potluck and to pass out candy to all the adorable munchkins who come by. LG will help pass out candy ( and hopefully refrain from stealing other kids' lollipops, like he did last year). WG will jump on the couch for a few hours.

I must say, I LOVE Halloween! Sure, I have some issues with it. Mainly the slutty costumes. I mean, OK, fine, if you're in college and you wanna dress like a slutty pirate, a slutty nurse, a slutty witch, whatever, FINE. Just don't get so drunk that you don't know who you are, where you are, or who you're with.
But does EVERY costume designed for a woman, or worse, a GIRL, have to be slutty? Not all of us want to let it all hang out. Most of us don't want our YOUNG DAUGHTERS to let it all hang out! And some of us would actually like to be WARM.
And that's all I'm gonna say on the subject, 'cause I can feel my blood pressure rising.
I'm just going to enjoy seeing all the kids in their CUTE costumes.
Then we'll start planning Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Hooray! Hooray! It's National Love Your Body Day!!!!!

On Sunday I took a yoga class, then went swimming with my kids while hubby was at work. I managed to get 30 minutes of laps in. I then corralled the kids out of the pool (a Herculean effort, I must say), gave them baths, walked the dog, took them all out for a drive, fed them, brushed their teeth and (eventually) got them to bed.
Monday I took them to school, taught 2 Pilates classes back-to-back, cleaned the house, picked the kids up from school, calmed WG after she had (yet another) meltdown, made dinner, did the dishes, and went back to the gym to teach 2 more hours of Pilates. That night, I stayed up with WG as she continued her (so far) week-and-a-half-long tradition of waking up and shrieking for hours for no apparent reason. (She does this every so often. Usually a couple times a year. We have no idea why.)
Yesterday I felt a cold coming on. And I skipped my yoga class. WG was STILL melting down, so it's a good thing I was home. She continued her meltdown into the wee hours of the morning. Today I'm teaching 3 classes. Tonight Hubby and I will be wearing earplugs as we deal with the shrieking. (We've taken her to her doctor, talked to her teachers, therapists, to other parents with Autisic kids, no one has any answers. Eventually she will stop. And she'll be fine, until next time.)
Through all of this, my body has kept going. Oh sure, I'm exhausted, and a bit under the weather, but I'm still going. (Thank goodness for school! I can take a nap while the kids improve their minds!)
So it makes me wonder why I'm so down on this body of mine. OK, so I don't look like a model. Truthfully? I don't WANT to look like a model! They're so skinny it's scary! I find it REALLY unnatractive, and I feel so horribly sorry for these poor girls who are forced to starve themselves. Been there, done that, NO THANKS!!!
So, yeah, I'm pudgy. But I'm also STRONG. I can multitask like no one's business, my kids are thriving, and I'm healthy. Isn't THAT what's important?
Today, on this International Love Your Body Day, I will notice all the negative thoughts I have about this amazing body of mine. I will then stop the thought, and replace it with one or more positive ones. And I will continue to do so until he positives outnumber the negatives. It'll take a while, but that's OK.
So if you're reading this, take a moment to appreciate something about YOUR incredible body.
Happy Love Your Body Day!!!!!!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Need Vs. Want

I want to lose weight. Do I NEED to? I honestly don't know. My doctor hasn't said anything to me about it.
I want chocolate. Do I NEED it? Probably not; at least, not for survival. (For quality of life, maybe.)
What I REALLY need is to make peace. With food and my body. I REALLY don't want to turn to food anymore out of boredom, sadness, anxiety, etc.
So last month I signed up for an online program out of the U.K. called "Beyond Chocolate." I's ideas are very similar to Intuitive Eating, but this is an actual, step-by-step program. Every week I get a new "assignment." (I'm about 4 weeks behind, but that's OK. I go at my own pace.) It's something concrete, and I can feel myself making progress.
Every once in a while I get derailed by Diet Think. You know, pre-planning my meals, swearing to have flax/blueberry/spinach smoothies every morning, vowing to eat clean/raw/low-fat/vegan, etc., all for the sole purpose of losing weight.
But here's the thing; I've lost weight before. Many, MANY times. And I ALWAYS gain it back. And there's the definintion of insanity right there. So what's different now? What will I change this time around? WHY do I want to lose weight?
In he past it has been for reasons outside of myself: people will like me more if I'm thin; I need to be skinny in order to get an acting job; others are starting to comment on my weight, so I'd beter do something about it.
No wonder I never STAYED thin!
This time, it's not about pounds lost, the number on the scale, or employment. (In fact, I just got a new class and have added a bunch of clients to my existing classes. Yay!) This time, it's not even primarily about losing weight. It's about getting mentally healthy. I'm tired of thinking about food and weight ALL THE TIME!
When I first started Inuitive Eating, I kept wanting to skip to the end: the part where I would no longer worry about food, eat when I was hungry, stop when I was satisfied, and exercise for health and enjoyment. The problem was, I HAD to focus on food, so I could stop eating mindlessly, and I kinda skipped that part. So here I am, starting (almost) at square one. But I can feel myself changing. I can feel my atitude becoming different. I am learning to accept myself AS I AM, RIGHT NOW, and worrying less about how I look. (OK, except maybe during that time of the month {NOW!} when I'm bloated and my face looks like a constellation. But that's a WHOLE different post!)
Last night, for the first time in about 4 years, I was excited about cooking dinner. I made a brand-new recipe for Hubby and myself, and made the kids one of their favorite meals. I ate enough to satisfy myself, and even had enough energy left to do the dishes and give the kids their baths! When Hubby got home from school, he warmed up the food and told me he felt like he was eating at a restaurant. I was so excited that I actually prepared food, last night, for tonight! It's marinating as we speak. (And this morning, HUBBY MADE ME BREAKFAST!!!!!!! He said I'd inspired him, so he cooked us some eggs.)
The best part, for me, is that I was inspired by a non-diety cookbook. Don't get me wrong, I love me a good recipe from "Eating Well" or "Cooking Light," but sometimes it's nice to use ingredients that don't say "substitute" or "fat-free" on the label. For last night's fish, I made a lemon vinaigrette from scratch. It took about 3 minutes and was delicious. And all the ingredients, except for the olive oil, came from the produce section. Of Trader Joe's. Which I adore with a burning, abiding passion.(BTW, in case you're wondering, the cook book was "Giada's Family Dinner," by Giada DeLaurentis. It's WONDERFUL!!!!!)
So, if I can get to a place where I genuinely love cooking and eating (the cleaning part? Yeah, not so much), make good food that we all enjoy, and exercise because I want to and not because I HAVE to, then I'll be in a MUCH healthier place. All around.
Now, if I could only organize all the clutter around here...

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


She's at it again. WG is waking up at 3:15 in the morning and partying like a rock star. She cries at first, because she's lonely. So I go in and cuddle, and then she wants to play. And she's so darn cute I just have to! So this morning we stayed up from 3:15 until about 5:30. Then we both fell asleep on her bed and Hubby had to wake us at 7.
Luckily I didn't have to work today, and I thought I'd take a little nap. So I fell asleep around 9:30 and woke up at...2:00!!!!!!!! I slept the ENTIRE school day away!
I've noticed, since I first became a mom 8 YEARS AGO, that I'm pretty much exhausted all he time. Last year I even went and had my thyroid checked, just to make sure it was working (it is).
So I blame my kids.
Actually, I just attribute it to being a mom. I think it comes with the territory. I've always been one of those people who need AT LEAST 8-10 hours of sleep a night, and with kids, especially very energetic, special needs kids who have sleeping issues, that just ain't gonna happen, lol!
Now, Hubby is the exact opposite; he can get 4 hours of sleep, wake up, and hit the ground running. And LG could sleep through a nuclear war. But WG and I are light sleepers, and we sometimes have trouble sleeping. My poor girl was in the middle of her therapy session this afternoon when she started bawling; she was exhausted, she'd put in a full day at school, and she'd had enough.
Tonight, after a good meal and a nice warm bath, she went to sleep at 9. I'm hoping she'll sleep tonight and get back on track with her schedule. (And I can teach my 3 classes without falling over.)
But I'm guessing it'll be a few years before I'm able to get my 9 hours a night again!