Snark Time: Pet Peeves

I've said it before, I'll say it again: While I LOVE the holidays, I REALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLY DESPISE all the "expert advice" that shows up this time of year regarding "Avoiding Holiday Weight Gain!" To be followed, after the last gift has been unwrapped and the last piece of confetti vacuumed up, by the inevitable "10 Tips for Losing Those Holiday Pounds!"
GAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Shut the hell up!!!!!! If your tips are so all-fired terrific, why do you have to keep reiterating THE SAME ONES, YEAR AFTER YEAR?!?!?!
I actually saw one this year, from some clean eating folks, about how to create a "clean" Thanksgiving meal for only 500 calories!
OK, fine. You wanna do that, more power to ya. Mazel-tov, G-d bless. I understand that eating clean is a way of life, is quite healthy, and gives you lots of energy. In fact, I'm trying to clean up my own diet, so I feel less sluggish.
But, see, I happen to LOVE stuffing, and I only eat one time per year. OK, with leftovers, more like 12, but you know what I mean. And if I were to, say, SKIP the stuffing and serve my extended family plain brussels sprouts with naked baked sweet potatoes? I wouldn't survive to see who wins the football game. Not that I care about the game (see earlier post regarding football). But I'm kinda fond of breathing.

Now let's move on to another topic: PEOPLE WHO COME TO THE GYM WHILE SICK. Look, I understand we live in a no-pain-no-gain, suck-it-up,I'll-sleep-when-I'm-dead type of society, and that perhaps your trainer/lifecoach/boss/mom has instilled in you to keep going, no matter what. Or maybe you just watch "The Biggest Loser" and imagine Jillian screaming insults at you if you even consider staying home when you have the sniffles. So off you go, getting in your workout.
Don't.
Really.
PLEASE!
As a fitness professional, I am BEGGING you; stay home! Even if it's just the sniffles, or a cold, or you feel "something coming on." OK, ESPECIALLY if you fell "something coming on," because guess what? NOW is when you are most contagious! Now is the time that you will spread all your icky little germs all over the place, even if you wipe down the equipment, sanitize everything you touch within an inch of its life, and pretty much take every precaution short of wearing a haz-mat suit. You. Will. Spread.Your.Virus. And chances are you'll probably make yourself feel worse. Stay home!!!!!
You wanna work out while you're sick? Buy a DVD. I'm not saying this to be flip. I'm saying this because I'm selfish. I and all the other employees of the gym do not want your cold. We definitely don't want your flu. Most of us are paid by the hour. We don't work, we don't get paid. I CANNOT afford to miss a week (or more) of work because you felt you couldn't miss a workout.
STAY HOME!!!!!!!

Finally, my %^$#@*&-ing Dell laptop!!!!! The first battery died within a year. So I bought another one (which I'm STILL paying for!), and it died within a year. I cannot keep a wireless connection for more than 20 minutes. I get "reconnect" signals literally every 3 seconds. But it doesn't reconnect. I cannot get a hold of anyone at Dell to help me. I am seriously considering throwing my laptop out the window and reverting to smoke signals instead of email.
Or maybe I'll just get a fancy-schmancy new phone and forget the computer.
Harumph!

OK. Done grousing. Have a great weekend!