I Can't Even...

Well.
4 months since my last post.
I can only apologize.  But I can't promise it won't happen again.

Summer seemed to go very quickly this year, but it was a challenge.  There were definitely some high points: The show, which was GREAT!  It was a terrific group of people, and we had a good run.

Yesterday I met Peter Capaldi at SF Comic Con!  He is truly a mensch!  Such a lovely, thoughtful, generous man.  I tried to tell him how much his and his wife's work has meant to me, and how much of an inspiration they both are to me, but, as usual, I f*#@ed it up, and I left him confused.  I was there to take a photo with him, and it was all very rushed.  I got nervous and tongue-tied.  But he was so nice about it: he said "Oh good! At least something is working!" Which made me laugh.
But I've been stewing over it since, as I do, and I just feel awful.  I'm sure it was no big deal for him, he probably meets off-kilter people all the time.  But I waited years to meet him, and when the time came, I blew it.

It has made me realize just how incredibly awkward I am, socially.  Oh, I'm fine once you get to know me, and vice-versa.  But I am constantly making social faux-pas without ever meaning to.  I thought I was getting better, but I'm not.
I've also been wondering, for quite some time, if I myself am on the autism spectrum.  It would certainly explain how both of our kids are autistic!
Which then makes me wonder how much good I can do for them, if I can't even help myself.

In July, WG started having seizures.  She's now on medication, and has been diagnosed with generalised epilepsy.  She had 4 before the medication.  Knock on wood, she hasn't had any since.

My mom came to visit recently, and she ended up in the ER after hurting her back.  So she spent most of her visit taking pain pills and trying to relax.

LG has started a new high school, and it seems to be going well so far.  We'll learn more at his open house this week.

Hubby just opened a show, which also is going well.  Unfortunately, we are in the midst of a crazy heat wave, and the theater has no air conditioning.  They run fans before the show and at the intermission, but not during the show itself.  The fans are loud, so the actors wouldn't be heard.  Plus, the stage lights would blow.

The pup is great.  :)  Not so happy in this heat, however.

I am back in therapy.  Need it badly, with everything that's going on.  Although, honestly, it sometimes feels like a losing battle.

I know I'll feel better later.  I need a good cry and to talk it out.
And to reassure Hubby that it's nothing he said or did that has upset me.  :)

Laters!

Hitting the Barre

Last week I signed up for a (deeply discounted) one-month unlimited class pass to our local Pure Barre studio. I started a week ago Monday, and have taken 4 classes so far (with 2 more to go this week). I was pretty nervous before the first class, but I walked in and was greeted by a gray-blue French bulldog named Maverick.  He's the studio owner's dog, and a lovebug.  :)  I took it as a good sign.
I've been enjoying the classes, even though they are (for me) ridiculously challenging!  I won't be able to afford 3 classes a week after the month is over, but I have some of their DVDs.  I'm hoping that 1 class per week plus 2 workouts at home will get me strong and lean.  :)

I've put on about 5 pounds since the election, and I can't seem to get rid of them.  I think it's stress, as I'm doing everything else I *should* be doing.

We've switched WG's meds.  This is a well-known brand that we can order by mail!  And it's chocolate/mint flavored, which she seems to like.  We're also going to try it on LG, as his anxiety seems to be getting worse. Poor baby.

This Saturday is the annual staged reading of the Mom play.  And then, a week from Sunday, we start rehearsal for the full-on play.  I'm very excited, and a bit nervous.  I hope I can memorize my lines.  It's been quite a while!

The pup is wonderful. She sleeps on the bed with us, and follows me everywhere.  I just wish that she enjoyed car rides more.  :) I'd like to take her places, like the dog park.

Anywho, gotta run.  Going to try and take a quick nap before the kiddoes get home.

See ya!

Adolescence, Perimenopause, and Other Stufff

It's a cruel fact that, if a woman has children, chances are that she will experience pre- or full-on menopause at the same time at least one of her children is going through puberty.  Such is the case with me and WG.  All those female hormones are wreaking havoc at all hours.  Plus, LG is also in the throes of male adolescence, which is its own kind o' crazy.
Hubby's show opened last week, to very nice reviews, for the show AND for him.  LG was on spring break, and then WG is off next week.

I'm doing the performance of the Mom show again this year.  In about a month.  And then LG will be done with the regular school year.  He has summer school in June, but it's only 4 hours a day.
It just seems like time goes by faster every year.  Before we know it, LG will be almost done with school for good, and we'll have to figure out his future.  And WG not long after.  The way the world is going, I have to say that I'm not entirely optimistic that there will be programs in place for them as adults.

On a happier note, a friend of mine has just bought a house that's not too far away.  For years she's been living in the city, but she got a job at a school in Silicon Valley, and will be moving soon.  To an area I tend to go to quite a bit, actually. So we'll be able to hang out, hopefully, more often.  I haven't seen her in nearly a year!  She's also in the show.

So there's quite a bit going on in these parts.  Also, looking for ward to the new season of "Doctor Who", which starts tomorrow.  See you in time and space!

Ah!

When one  discovers that one's weight is creeping up, despite the fact that one is following one's Weight Watcher's plan to the letter and working out regularly, then one has to look elsewhere for the cause of said Weight Creep.
Perhaps there are other issues going on.

After weeks of watching every bite, working out like a maniac, and watching the scale go up, I finally remembered, on a cellular-rather-than-intellectual level, that stress, anxiety, and lack of sleep can lead to weight gain.

And that's the least of the issues.  Stress, anxiety, and lack of sleep are pretty big problems in and of themselves.

So I'm using my Fitbit for more than tracking my activity.  There's a 2-5 minute relaxation program on it that also guides breathing.  There are tons of EFT videos on YouTube.  And, since I can't always get to my yoga classes, I've downloaded a few, including some slower-moving flow sessions.  Because trying to kill myself with every workout is SO me-in-my-30's!  :)

Hubby is in the thick of rehearsal for his show.  He leaves for his day job at 7:30 AM, then afterwards drives to Walnut Creek to rehearse, and gets home at about 11 PM.  I, meanwhile, am drowning in paperwork: Enrolling WG in high school (!!!!!!!!!), for one. Hopefully she'll stay in her current school, but she has to enroll in the county district.  It's all very bureaucratic and requires over 100 pages of documentation, as well as, I kid you not, my mother-in-law.  She has to sign documents at the office in front of witnesses, confirming that Hubby, kids and I still live with her and my F-I-L.
I'm also re-applying for their Medi-Cal.

I've made so many copies in the past past two weeks that I'm starting to have nightmares about trees stalking me and trying to cut me down with an axe.

This morning, however, I took a break.  After everyone left, the pup and I went back upstairs for a quick nap and some "Doctor Who" on BBC America.

So now it's back to the grind.  Talk soon!

Living in Interesting Times.

The above happens to be a title of an EFT video I've been using.  It's posted on YouTube, and is just under 7 minutes long.  It refers to the Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times".  Which, I think I can safely say, describes the current era.
I've also, in the evenings, been watching 90's videos on MTV Classic.  It reminds me of being in my 20's, and living either in Western Massachusetts (early 90's), La Jolla (mid), or L.A. (late).  Ah, those were the days!  When I was still made of potential and everything seemed possible, lol!
Of course, I'm looking back with some heavily rose-tinted glasses.  In my early 20's I was depressed and suicidal, in my mid-20's I was depressed and anxious, and in my late 20's, well, we lived in L.A.  ;)
I'm actually very glad to not be that young anymore.

I've been doing yoga and taking walks with the pup.  My weight is still a few pounds up (between 2 and 5), but I feel good, for the most part.  I have to remind myself that, 3 years ago, I would have sold my own mother to be at this weight.  (I told her that.  She's OK with it.)

Hubby has started rehearsal for his new show, and the in-laws are in Hawaii.  While it's nice to have the place to myself during the day, it also means no help with the kids.  I have to remember to take my solo walks, as well as those with pupper.  That's what truly helps me keep my sanity.  Or what's left of it, anyway.

I'm hoping to get back east at some point, to the Shakespeare company where I used to work.  I haven't seen a production there in over 20 years.  And since I'm not able to go abroad this year, I figure this will be the next best thing.  And it'd be great to see everyone.  I miss them terribly.  Summer is a difficult time, but maybe if I go early in June or in September, it'll be doable.

WG's IEP is coming up this week.  She'll be transitioning to the high school district (!!!!!!!!!!!!).  Hopefully they'll let her stay at her school.  I've been assured that chances are good they will.  LG seems to be a little bit calmer, but we're still going to have him assessed again.  Just to see what we can do for his anxiety.  Meanwhile, WG's meds are still working, although we've had to up her dose a bit.

I'm feeling a lot calmer these days.  The meds help, but also the tapping and just taking care of myself.  And having a sweet pup to cuddle when things get bad.

And I'm still considering becoming a Weight Watchers leader.  I like the idea.  It's mainly a question of child care. (As is so often the case.)

OK.  The sun has come out, so I'm going to take a walk.  Enjoy your Sunday!

What's That Big Yellow Orb In The Sky?

We've had some sunshine for the past 4 days, after some particularly heavy rain and wind.  So heavy that a major dam has developed a leak and 190,000 people had to be evacuated the other night.  It seems to be under control for the moment, but there's more rain predicted later in the week. In the meantime, everyone is enjoying the sun like we haven't seen it in years.  It's almost as if we've forgotten that we've been in the worst recorded drought in California history for nearly half a decade.

I went to my audition on Saturday, and it was SO MUCH FUN!   I did my monologue, then came back to read a couple of scenes from the play.  The director, as it turns out, also runs a Shakespeare festival and asked me to audition for "Hamlet" in the Fall.  Which was nice!  So, even if I don't get this show, there's a chance I'll get to do one later in the year.

Hope you had a nice Valentine's Day (if you celebrate it).  I'm gonna head off to bed.  Nighty-night!

Biting the Bullet, and Laughing

I can't stay up to watch "Saturday Night Live" when it airs, but thankfully we now have YouTube.
Back in the olden days, the court jester was the only person who could tell the truth without getting his head (literally) knocked off.  Usually.  And now we have shows like SNL and The Daily Show and Samantha Bee, among others.

If you haven't seen Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer, go watch.  Now.  It's OK, I'll wait...

...See, I don't think it matters where your political leanings lay (lie?), that's funny stuff!  Of course, you may disagree.  And that's your prerogative.
At least for the time being...

It's also a great stress reliever.  Laughter IS the best medicine, after all.


And, in other parts of Life, I have an audition this Saturday.  Nothing earth-shattering, but it's for a Shakespeare-inspired production at a small theater in Silicon Valley.  The theater is actually right next to the Pilates studio where I did most of my teacher training.  :)
I'm not expecting to get the job as I have a feeling they're looking mainly for 20-something actors.  But I haven't auditioned in nearly 13 years, and it'll be good to get, as they say, back in the saddle again.  And it's Shakespeare, so it's right up my alley.
Plus, as I write this, "Henry V" is on television.  Which I'm taking as a good sign.

So. That's all the news for now.  It's been raining like crazy , so I'm going to go dry off.

See ya!